Bryan Goodwin: Are you using
your limitations
as a badge of honor?
Why do we do this, and how do you stop this?
We'll be talking about that this week on episode number two sixty two of the relaxed male.
This is The Relaxed Male,
a show that comes to you each week helping men to remove the nice guy from their life so they can actually live their life on their terms.
Join the host certified coach, Brian Goodwin, as he helps men step out of their heads and become free from the thoughts that bind them.
Hey, man. Hello, and welcome to the show. Today, we're gonna be talking about
problem that so many of us have and that we want to make sure that
our limitations
don't
limit us so that we try to own them. And the problem that we have with this is that
owning our limitations
in the way that
society does today is that we actually expand and make that limitation
even stronger.
And so we're gonna be talking about that today, but I am Brian Goodwin. And if
wanna say hello and thank you for,
listening. And if you wanna have a conversation with me, you wanna be able to check,
touch base and see you know, let me know that I got something right or wrong or whatever, you could shoot me an email over brianwithay@relaxmail.com.
And so let's go ahead and let's dive on into this because
we have got, for whatever reason,
this fascination
with a celebrating our our limitations.
And this is one of those things that's just kinda crept up. And at first, you know, you hear it's like, oh, yeah. They're being brave. Yeah. Good. But
when you really stop,
step back, and
look at this,
you know, just
maybe it's not quite as wonderful as we think because you go and you watch
YouTube videos or or TikTok or whatever it is you're you grab most of your social media fix from. You'll inevitably
come across
somebody saying, well, I've got ADHD.
I'm I'm
neurodivergent,
or I'm a survivor of abuse, or I'm an alcoholic, or I'm a vegan, or, you know, whatever type of limitation they wanna
instill upon themselves.
And it's always sort of bothered me
for a while until I really sat down and contemplated what it was that was bothering me about
all these celebrations.
And
with the arrival of the whole woke thing, it really
clicked
because all of a sudden,
anybody
who had a limitation
who could take that as being I'm a victim of
this, that's where they were
celebrating the whole limitation
as a badge of honor. I can't succeed because I'm, you know, neurodivergent,
whatever that's supposed to mean. Or I'm ADHD, which from what I understand,
the majority of CEOs
in
the world
are in one form, fashion, or another, ADHD.
I was an alcoholic. I was an asshole when I was 10 years old. You know, whatever it was you wanna
wanna call yourself
as a limitation, and that's where
the these limitations come into come to
cause problems.
Because you see, our brains are these big, beautiful,
do not get killed devices. But these do not get killed devices are also
a type of biological computer,
and you can program
anything into that computer. I mean, this is one reason why the green car syndrome
or affect or whatever they call it is,
is so prevalent. Because once you go and buy a green Toyota
and you start seeing green Toyotas all over the place, it's not that everybody decided to follow you and start buying a whole bunch of green Toyotas.
No. You told your brain,
hey. Start looking out for something very similar. So I need the confirmation
of what I did was right. And so now it's picking up every green car.
It's picking up every Toyota,
and it really pays attention to all the green Toyotas
and that are the same model as your car. And our our
programming goes even beyond that because you
you probably have had guys who
walk around and say, I don't I can't read books. If I sit down with a book, I'll fall asleep one page in. And what happens? Sure enough, about a page, page and a half in, all of a sudden you see them, they're starting to get the rubberneck head bobs. Why? Because they told themselves,
I get sleepy when I read. I've told myself I'm crappy at math. And guess what? I'm crappy at math. So when you say I'm limited
by,
you know, by whatever whatever it is, you know, I'm a
I'm a survivor of abuse.
I am a I have anxiety. That's another big one that a lot of people say. Oh, I've got anxiety, and so it's really tough for me to be able to step up on step in front of this camera here.
Well, apparently, you don't have that bad of, anxiety because you are standing in front of the camera.
You are you you you're showing everybody that, one,
you're not a % true
because
you're doing what you need to do. Yeah. You're overcoming that limitation
of being anxious of standing in front of the camera. Alright? But when you're when you describe yourself and you use that as the badge of honor,
hey. I'm I'm Brian. I'm I'm I I have anxiety.
That really is not
doing you much good because you now your brain's going, oh, yeah. We're supposed to have anxiety when we do anything.
Well, let let's let's not,
let let's
play it small because, you know, we got we got anxiety.
I'm an introvert is another huge one that just popped into my head. I'm an introvert.
I oh, it's really tough for me to go out because I'm an introvert. No. No. You could be an introvert or an extrovert.
It doesn't matter. Now do you prefer to be by yourself? Okay. Yeah.
I prefer to put on a be by myself too. This is one reason why I struggle with coaching
a bit because I wanna stay at home instead of getting out and saying hi shaking hands, kissing babies, saying meeting people, and growing my network. This is kind of the big revelation that I've had the past couple three weeks is that, oh, you know, I can't you ain't gonna get very many people paying attention to you if you're sitting in your truck at the end of the day. And that's where a lot of the same problem comes because I just tell them, I said, you know, I'm kind of an introvert. Well
but if you pay attention to it, you're kind of an extroverted introvert or an introverted extrovert because you can
and recommend
doing the opposite of whatever it is you claim you are. Extroverts are a lot more successful,
and you
can overcome
this limitation. And how do you overcome that limitation? By changing what your programming says,
changing what you're telling yourself. Oh, I can't stand in front of people because I I've got social anxiety and that I'm I'm I'm I'm an introvert.
Well, stop telling yourself that that's what you are and start coming up with something different. I'm I'm a extrovert. You wanna take baby steps. I'm an extroverted introvert. Alright? I like being around people, but
you can start telling yourself that. There are when you start telling yourself things that you believe, you actually start bringing in more positive results of what it is you're wanting. So if you're not reaching
the heights and successes that you want,
then I recommend pay attention to what your limitations
are.
And don't sit there and try to celebrate them because, honestly,
these aren't things you wanna wanna sit there and celebrate about.
You wanna overcome them. That's where the pride comes into.
Even though you have, you know,
social anxiety, if
if that's actually even a real thing,
I I kinda question that, but that's just kinda neither here nor there. You can become
more outgoing.
You can
do more things,
not because you are limited,
but because
you have overcome them in spite of what that limitation is.
And when you stop using that limitation
as
a limitation
limit it sounds like I'm I'm saying it too much now.
Sounds like I'm saying limitations,
which, okay.
The limits that you're setting on yourself
are what's actually holding you back.
When you stop
referencing the fact that you're, I'm always I'm I'm I have trouble speaking because I'm
I don't think like anybody else, which, honestly, if you wanna know a secret, if you're you like to run around claiming you're neurodivergent
and you don't think like everybody else,
nobody thinks the same.
Okay?
We're unique. We're each of our thought processes is just like a thumbprint. No one has the same type thought process.
Some people are are visual thinkers. Some people are sentence thinkers. Some people think sentences in
in visualized forms. Again, it is a means of putting a limitation upon you. Do you have,
you know, maybe a a form of Asperger's?
Okay. That might be. Oh, I'm autistic. Alright.
Okay. I'm seeing a lot of people running around going, oh, I'm autistic,
and
not seeing a a
sign of autism in that.
I think we've got a lot of people who have decided that they're going to be autistic
or utilize the
title of autistic
because they can get more barabos
out of the world. Now are there functioning autistic people? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Temple Grandin,
Big one that I I I looked to looked to. I
definitely an inspiring aspect.
There's a lot of people out there. I don't really see them making self hugging machines so that they feel better
or doing something to that effect. I know not all of them are, you
know, avoid human touch, but at the same time, you you got what I'm saying. You are what you tell yourself.
You may have
autism, some type of anxiety.
You may even be sadly a vegan, but these are all things that you
don't have to let hold you. And you don't let them hold you by set their
invoking their name every five minutes.
Knowledge the fact that, yeah, I I can't sit still for longer than ten minutes.
Find ways to get around that.
You find ways without taking the, you know, the magic zone out pill.
Overcome the limitation yourself.
It's gonna take work. It's gonna take a lot of work. It's gonna take a lot of frustration
and and irritation
and just times that you're gonna sit on your butt going, damn it,
if not saying worse words. I could easily go, or go around and say, I'm I'm ADHD.
I do things that a lot of ADHD people do.
I ain't ADHD. One, because I don't care to be diagnosed. Two,
it's not gonna help me to know.
It doesn't do me any good. Not only is it because I'm already over 50 years old, but also because
what's taking a pill going to do? What's it gonna help if I'm,
you know, sitting,
you know, sitting able to sit still
for several hours at a time? That's not gonna help me. This is one reason why
I started, started working on this at about 09:00 because there's times I have to stop and I have to go do something else. Get a little extra dopamine bump here or there, and then off we go again. We're back to the deal. We backed on to the races.
It's
life.
It's not easy. There's not a magic pill that you take that suddenly fixes everything. It's why I have such a problem with parents who wanna stick their kids on ADHD medicine
or kids who appear you know, they're entering into the end of their teens and well, they don't seem as happy as they used to be. That's because they're preteens.
Their hormones are starting to go out of whack. So, yeah, they're gonna be happy and giggly one moment and then turn right around and be bawling their head off because their mode their hormones
are out of, out of whack, and they're just trying to figure out how they fit in the world. And it so they have all these thoughts about it and curiosities and and fears and and embarrassments and experiences that they're going through, and they're making
trying to make sense of it all. So, yeah, you're going to be a little crying.
You're gonna have a little sadness. You're gonna be crying. You're gonna be angry. You're gonna be upset. You're gonna be you're gonna wanna pout from time to time, just like you. But guess what? You made it through without a pill. Junior can make it through school
without a pill. Yeah. The teachers may have a little consternation, but you know what? That's good for the teacher too.
Getting me a little worked up.
Going down the road, I wasn't wasn't it wasn't about me complaining about,
the the microwave generation.
But the whole
and I understand it. Like I said,
when it comes
to titles and stuff, giving yourself a label,
it it's supposed to help you not
feel limited by that. But at the same time, it
looks like it limits you even more. I've got social anxiety. Well, you're not doing anything by bettering it by saying I have social anxiety.
Other than maybe you're explaining why
you may all of a sudden decide to turn around and walk away, Then all people would do is just go, oh, well, yes. They've got social anxiety or something.
So when it comes to your you getting better, you working hard on what you're trying to achieve, and you find yourself using excuses
like, you know, it's my ADHD. I must have ADHD. Whatever. You know, you're looking for a title. Step back from it and and really examine. Do you one, do you really? Two, do you really wanna have that label hanging over your head? It's like people walking around trying to trying to come up with those labels, trying to find ways of how can I get a I see people kids who are going around trying to
shop
for a psychiatrist so that they can get
SSRIs,
so they can stop feeling emotions? And why?
Emotions are great. They're the best thing about being a human.
They make life beautiful. And when you go off and you take some type of of tranquilizer
pill or or, you know, Xanax or or Valium or whatever,
you're killing your emotions off. That's the reason why you have 13 year olds going off go doing school shootings.
It's because they can't
feel anything
unless they get the extra huge,
large, violent emotions going on. And, yes, I will point to the parents because I think they're the big they're the the final say
of everything in the family,
and they have abdicated
their choices.
And it's sad. Instead of letting them just figure it out themselves.
Oh, no. Let's go ahead and let's just let's
knock the emotions out. It's an easy fix. Boom. Wallop.
Pop a pill and all of a sudden, you know, pop a Lexapro and you ain't gotta feel squat, man, which may also means you don't get to feel love. You don't get to feel happiness.
People try to go, oh, no. You still feel all those.
A subdued
version of it isn't that. If you wanna feel something, allow yourself to feel it. And people are expecting to be on these things for the rest of their life, and you've got 16 year olds on them wondering why they have a hard time getting making it through society
because they have no experience, we're one, but also they don't have the
the skills that are needed on how to handle your emotions
because they have fallen onto these labels. Oh, well, I found a found a doctor that is,
accepted that I have got social anxiety. No. It just means you've been stuck behind a phone
for
hours on end, and you've sat inside your house for a couple weeks.
And you've let your mind convince you that staying home is better and safer
when in all reality, it's not. So,
guys, with that, I wanna say thank you very much for listening. This is a little bit shorter shorter episode, which is always fun.
But
but in closing, I wanna say, thanks again for listening. If there's anything about this episode that rang a bell that resonated with you, please, again, share this out. Share this with the guy other men in your life. Let them know that, hey. We have a
a podcast and a community that is coming,
that is coming together and is,
for the men who wanna have the better relationships in their life. And part of that better relationship is, yeah, getting rid of the dumb labels. Oh, I'm an asshole or she's an asshole because we also throw labels on other people that are not actually true.
And
so showing these guys that
life can be better when you stop resisting and stop pushing back against
the horrible things
and you start looking at it from an objective mind
line of of thought,
all of a sudden, things aren't quite as bad.
And so help these guys out by sharing this episode or, some other episode that really
rang, rang your bell and and showed you some some insight that you had not ever thought of. And you can do that by just going to your App of Choice, hitting the share button,
and choosing
whichever platform you want, text, messaging, or whatever.
And you can either talk to a guy directly, or you can send it out to Facebook,
Instagram, Twitter,
x,
Mastodon,
Nostr,
you know, any of the, the social media sites that are out there. But, also, if I could ask, a couple things of you. One, doing a survey. If you have been listening to this show for for a little while,
would you please go to relaxedmail.com/survey
and fill out the survey? It's 25 questions,
and it's just a so I can see where I need to improve, what do I need to,
change,
kinda gives a better insight from from you. So if you wanna have a a hand at helping this show
go and and become better, that's how you can do it. You can go to relaxmail.com/survey.
And, that would be a a
an awesome favor that you could do for me. But, also, if you want to
learn how you can change the labels in your life,
change how you view your marriage, and change how you approach your marriage,
then reach out to me and go to relaxmail.com/
try coaching
and see what we can do
there.
And let's
it's a freeze
free coaching session. Actually, it's technically gonna be a month worth of free coaching.
And all you have to do is
set up a time, and we'll
and I'll get a I'll touch base with you, and we'll get it all set up. So if you'd like to try out coaching, no whole no no,
no requirements. Not that you you don't have to buy anything or or anything like that. You just sign up. And
and from there, you would have a have coaching sessions,
scheduled, and we would, we'll go through and we'll
tackle one particular problem that you may be facing. So, So guys, with that, I wanna say thank you again for listening. Y'all if y'all have any comments, questions, again, go to relaxed mail or not relaxed mail. Go to brian.
I'm used so used to going on the other spiel.
Brianwithay@relaxedmail.com,
and, we'll talk to you then.
So till till then,
god, I'm screwing this end up.
Bye.