You've heard the phrase, you get what you give.
That applies to so much in your life.
We're going to give you three instances of what happens when you actually get
what you give out of normal instances of your life.
Talking about that this week in episode 226 of The Relaxed Male.
This is The Relaxed Male. A show that comes to you each week helping men to
remove the nice guy from their life so they can actually live their life on their terms.
Music.
Join the host certified coach Brian Goodwin as he helps men step out of their
heads and become free from the thoughts that bind them.
Hey man, hello and welcome to the Relaxed Male.
I'm your host Brian. Brian, I'm a certified men's coach who assists men who
are just neck deep in the suffering of their life.
Men who are going through things like divorces or job problems.
Just the way that we interact with people causes us so much consternation.
That way I reach out and I feel bad for the guys who take so much literally.
And so to help them, what we do is this show each week, we go through and we
look at the day-to-day struggles,
the times where our thoughts and our minds just get in our way,
cut us off the knees because we just want to be heard. We want to be understood.
We want to be sought out. We want to have our peace, love, aliveness, and freedom.
But we struggle with that because of the thoughts that we have.
And when it comes to our relationships, we really take those problems to the max.
And so what I do is we examine, we look at, we perceive what that actual problem
is, and then we talk about how we can actually solve it.
And so that's what we, what we're doing. And today we've got another instance
of where, where we're just so many times we complain about what we don't get in our life.
And it's because of what we're actually putting into it that is actually causing the problem.
It has nothing to do with anybody else outside of us.
There has nothing to do with people who are quote-unquote getting in our way
or keeping us from being able to just have the joy and fulfillment that we want.
The person who is actually keeping you from doing that, that's you.
And that's what I want to talk about this week. I want to talk about you sitting
back and just examining, looking, paying attention to, are you getting out of
life what you put into it?
And a lot of us want to right off the bat go, oh, of course, I'm giving 120%, man.
So why am I not able to get what I want?
Well, because you're not really giving 120%.
You might be giving 20%, expecting the other 80% to just fall in your lap,
but yet that's not the case. You have to give 20%.
And put a crap ton of energy into a lot of stuff in your life for it to start
producing the results that you actually want.
And we're going to talk about three instances of those.
Three examples of where we often fail on giving it all.
Giving what we need to put into different things. And those three spaces that
we're going to talk about is our bodies, the projects that we want to accomplish
in our life, and our relationships.
So you've heard me talk about in the past that our minds, our brains are a lot like computers.
We tell it something and boom, off to the races it goes.
Why am I fat? Well, it's going to find every reason as to why you're fat.
Why could you not get the the
promotion well your body your mind's
going all right well why why do we not get the promotions and it will find the
reasons it will find what it deems to be important it will find all the examples
as to why you are just being a complete and total loser we put into our thoughts
we put our thoughts into different circumstances and those thoughts
become our results you put a
bad thought in you're going to get a bad result out our thoughts
create our results our bodies are a
lot like that are you in shape or are you just a a an example of the soft life
are you vegan carnivore or are you an omnivore and this This kind of harkens
back to last week's, I believe,
last week's blog post where I was talking about going to the extreme does not do you any good.
Going to where you're eating nothing but vegan food does not actually help you,
does not make you healthier.
Look at people who are vegans. Their skin just is hanging and it's loose and
it's just, it doesn't look good.
It makes them look 20 years older than what they really are.
And the closest that the people can get to it is actually applying a little
bit of extra extra, uh, uh, little subcutaneous fat to it.
So they overeat and like the pasta department, they eat a lot of breads and grains.
And so they put on a lot of extra carbs, carb weight, but again,
they're not really as healthy as they could be carnivores.
Again, they're neither, they are not as, as healthy as they could be either.
They're robbing themselves of a lot of the essential nutrients that you can
get. you get from vegetables.
Vegans rob themselves of essential nutrients that you can only get from animal
fats and animal proteins.
We have a system that is set up to be actually very forgiving to what we eat.
But at the same time, if you're putting a lot of crap in your body,
you're going to get a lot of crap out.
Eat a bunch of sugar, you're going to wind up having and having food noise in your head.
Your brain is going to be constantly chattering that it needs more food,
needs more, more food, needs more food. And it's all because thanks to refined sugar.
And then eventually you're going to wind up starting to lose body parts.
You're going to start losing the extremities of your body because you're not
using them. You're overweight.
You're sitting around a lot. You're getting lymphedema and you're getting ulcers forming on your feet.
You start to get neuropathy.
The nerves in your feet and the extremities start to die because you are diabetic.
And that's all thanks to the fact that you just kept breathing.
Going and doing what your mind wanted you to do instead of actually doing what you needed to do.
You decided to put in crap.
So you're getting crap back.
You don't have the, the stamina that you had when you were younger because you
put on those extra pounds.
I know I've got this freaking basketball on my, on the front of my body that
I really have to get rid of.
Well, I don't have to, but at the same time, this is something that I want to.
Again, words, computers being a, our brains being a computer,
the words we use, the words that we tell ourselves are very important.
The time that we tell ourselves and braid ourselves and beat ourselves down,
well, why would our minds want to try any harder?
And that's like what our projects are. Are projects being, how are you thinking of those projects?
Are you actually even putting time, money, effort into those projects?
Or are you just kind of, eh, I got a little bit of time today.
I'm going to do some work here.
Oh, I got a little more time today. I'm going to put some work into it here.
A little more time here. Put some here. We do this hoping that eventually our
project, our dreams, our aspirations are just going to go boing and take off.
And suddenly we're where we want to be.
But it really doesn't work like that. You have to do a lot of thought work on why you fail.
What are the thoughts that you're having as to why you're not applying more
effort into your project, into your dream, whatever it is that you're doing?
Well, those thoughts that we are putting into our heads are what's holding us back.
Oh, well, I got a little time. I don't know. I'm confused. We start buffering with emotions.
We start buffering with thoughts.
So that we don't have to face the frustration of being told no,
the discomfort of being denied an opportunity to help somebody.
Some people don't want help. Other people love to be helped.
Then there are those who just are nothing but helpers.
Whatever you're doing, you have to actually put the effort in.
You have to put the effort of not just physical labor, not just your blood,
sweat, and tears, but you also have to put in your thoughts and apply some problem solving.
If you apply the problem solving and you start looking at what it is that's
holding you back and you face that problem, you start working on those issues
right there, your projects will start going faster.
You're going to be less afraid of the failure. You're going to actually encourage
the failure. You're going to encourage the criticism.
Like the blog post that came out
yesterday, we talk about why criticism is actually a really good thing.
Reading blogs that help you get to become a better person is good for you.
Feeding the mind, building up that man's pillar of their man's mind pillar is
going to allow you to have a better mind, better, better prepared
for those times that life just doesn't quite go the way you plan.
You don't take it personally. You just take it as being what happens.
And so you change what you can, where you can, how you can.
All of our projects are going to have elements of the man's body,
man's mind, man's community, man's soul.
If you're working on your passion project, you're feeding all four of those often.
You've got your band of brothers. You've got your wife. You've got your kids.
You've got your community around you helping you by lifting you up so that you
can actually lift them up.
But you can't do that if you're just not really putting a whole lot of effort
into what your projects are. What is your passion?
Right now, a lot of men, their passion is just trying to figure out what their
passion is. And that is beautiful.
That's what makes makes us so amazing is
that we can actually go out and discover what it is we like to actually freaking
do with our lives instead of just kind of sitting around going it's not worth
it sadly a lot of us men do we sit we get home we crack open a beer or we come home with a 12-pack,
We set the 12-pack down beside us, and we proceed to consume one can of beer right after the next.
So before you know it, you've got this gut and a half.
You're not motivated to do anything because you've told yourself that it's not worth it.
You've decided whatever it is you wanted to do is not worth you doing.
So you decided just to sit down and just take it like a chump.
Our relationships are also very much like this.
What do you put into your relationship? You're going to get out.
If you put in criticism and sarcasm and demeaning words, you're going to get nothing but that back.
You're going to get your wife is a mirror to you.
If you're throwing frustration, anger, resentment at her, you're getting it back in spades, man.
If you want to have a relationship that is loving, a relationship that is a
wife who is happy to see you when you come home and happy to see you in the bedroom,
you have to be able to nurture that sitting there getting drunk every day is not nurturing that.
Setting in your own head all the time is not nurturing that.
You have to get out. You actually have to look at your wife.
You actually have to talk to your wife.
You actually have to be curious as to why and what your wife is doing.
You have to get curious as to what makes her tick now. Maybe you're like me.
You've been married for almost 28 years.
Your wife is not the same person you married 20 years ago. Your wife's not the
same person you married 10 years ago.
And if she is, something is wrong because we're always growing, always changing.
We get new ideas, new thoughts, new philosophies. We adapt, we change, we shift.
And you need to be keeping up with your relationships the same way.
Yeah, we as men get real lucky because we can find those guys who we can hang around
with for a week at a time and then not see
each other again for a year or more
and then get back together and boom like
nothing ever changed except that is
the problem isn't it we act like nothing has changed like we picked up right
where we picked last left off and so much has happened in that year little tommy
had uh had a bad case of uh of pneumonia he spent a couple couple weeks in the hospital.
You and the wife are having marital problems. I don't want to, I don't want a burden.
Why do you want to rob your friends the opportunity to help you?
When we don't want to be a burden, that's what we're actually doing.
We're actually saying, I would rather just not let my friends care about me.
Now, if you're going to them all the time with some little little deadly problem,
their friends, they're going to still kind of help out, but they eventually,
they're going to tell you, Hey, walk on your own.
And doesn't mean you stay behind by yourself. You have to go and figure it out,
come up with some solutions before you come hitting them up for,
for a possible solution. What are your solutions?
What are you going to do about it with your wife?
You have still, you have those ideas. You are the leader of the family,
but so many men these days want to abdicate
their responsibility of leading the family and
think oh well the wife she makes more money so she's
going to lead no even if the wife is making more money than you you still have
the ability to lead you still have a part to play you have just succumbed taken
in the in your thought the belief that the whoever makes the
money has the say, no, you're in a marriage.
You're not in a partnership.
You're in a marriage. And that's one thing that it irks me now nowadays.
And I used to actually do this for a while until I, uh,
applied some intentional thought to it. The partnership. Oh,
this is my partner. No, that's your husband.
You are two, two people have become one. You are a husband, wife.
You are the dynamic duo to say, oh, this is my partner is to say she is not
quite at the same level as my wife.
When I hear your partner means not my wife or that you, you have,
you don't know which, which dynamic are you, are you actually the wife when
you should be the husband?
You know, oh, this is my partner. No, do not, do not say this is my partner.
This is my husband. This is my wife.
Whatever it is you want to say. Just when you, when you cheapen your relationship,
cheapen your marriage by saying, this is my partner, that's a crack in the relationship.
You get in, you get out of your relationship by what you put into it.
Backwards way of saying it, I know, but we have to work at our relationships.
You want a beautiful relationship where your wife is happy to talk to you.
All those little times that y'all sniped at each other, you got angry and you
just thought you'd let the problem fade away and it become a no problem.
It's still there. You never actually resolved that conflict.
That's where the problem is. Can you resolve conflicts in a healthy manner?
Manner can you come to a solution that's
where a lot of the roommate syndrome comes from is we
got this wall of conflict unresolved
conflict sitting there waiting for us
to do something about it and we just kind of go well i don't know why she don't
want to sleep with me no more hello look at the pile of trash in your bedroom
man you wonder why your house stinks probably Probably because you haven't taken
the garbage out in two months.
There's reasons for it.
Our relationships, the projects of
our lives, and our body are all three examples of you get what you give.
If you give your body crap, it's going to give you crap back.
Our projects are going to turn to crap if we don't put the work into them.
Our relationships will fall apart.
If we do not feed and nurture them, if we put love in, we're going to get love back.
If we put adventure in, those relationships are going to be adventurous.
We put flirtations into our relationship. We're going to get flirtations back.
Can you do that?
I bet you you can. I bet you dollars and donuts that is something that you're able to do.
If you're wondering how you can do that, how can you take a relationship that
is actually kind of starting to crumble?
Or maybe you have given it all and she has said, dude, I'm done. I'm out of here.
Pack your crap and leave. Or she just up and leaves.
You had that two o'clock in the morning conversation and she is leaving.
What do you do now? Now, is it too late?
It might be. It very well might be.
She may have tapped out and she may have ran out of emotional fuel for this marriage.
She may very well be done.
Doesn't mean you're done. You're still going to have to have a relationship
with her because you've got kids.
So what do you do? How do you build that relationship up? up.
How do you, maybe you can still restore that old relationship.
What's it going to take? Well, it's going to take you double work,
doubling up on your work, double work.
Oh, where did I learn to talk today?
Double work, double, I'm stuck on that now.
Doubling up on the amount of work that you have to do on that relationship,
the amount of work you have to do for your kids, the amount out to work.
And it's not so much, I'm going to be in here and you start burging in like
you're a bull in a China shop.
No, it is you maybe actually having to stop with the beer, stop with the video
game, stop with just watching television and get to just sitting down and reading.
Maybe it is you going in and you sitting down and you getting curious about
your kid's stuff? What's happening in your kid's life?
They're not going to tell you off the bat because you haven't shown interest in them before.
So why is it all of a sudden an important item? These are questions you've got to ask yourself.
To be able to do that, you have to put in the emotional work.
Look at what your thoughts are. Look at what you're doing. When you do that,
you can save your relationships.
You can improve your life. You can turn around.
All of a sudden, you may find yourself being shoved off to the side by the boss,
overlooked on promotions all the time until you figure out how to actually have
a good professional relationship.
When you do that, you may find that you've got a whole lot more opening up to
you, all All because you decided to start putting the effort in,
start working on your relationships,
working on your projects, working on your mind, put better stuff in your four
pillars, and they will pay you back in spades.
To do that, if you want to know how to do that, talk to me.
Take the next step.
Set up a conversation. We can sit down. We can talk, and you're going to be
saving 95% of what a normal coaching package for me actually costs.
If you're interested in doing that, go take the next step.
Relaxmail.com forward slash coaching offer. All one word. Fill out the form.
It's just a little comment area.
Let me know what it is you want to work on.
I'll send up a comment. comment, I'll set up a scheduler so that you can actually
schedule a time for you and me to sit down and just talk.
Find out what it is that would do you good.
How would you view your life if you actually put all the effort in?
What would your life look like in your dream state? date. If this is something
you'd be interested in, man, please go laxmail.com forward slash coaching offer, fill out the form.
I'll send you the scheduler and we will have the conversation and change your life.
So guys, with that, I want to say thank you very much for listening. Y'all take care.
We'll see y'all next week until then. Bye.
Music.