We work so hard to actually
try to fit in.
Yeah. We wonder why we have such such a problem on doing that. And why do the people who
seem to shine, what makes them different? We're gonna be talking about what
that it's actually okay to be different today on Relaxed Mail.
Hello, and welcome to relaxed male podcast that helps men change their relationship with themselves. I am your host, Brian, and I am a men's life and mindset coach who is here to help you understand that you don't have to suffer at your own expense. You can live your dream. I encourage you to set, then pursue your goals.
So join me as I change the mindset and attitude to men so they can be the leaders of their families and their destinies.
Amen. Hello, and welcome to Relaxed Mel. Alright. So today, welcome to episode 12.
And, real quick before we, get everything rolling, just wanted to quickly talk about,
the Relaxed Male Camping Coach we're gonna be having over on May 7th through 10th.
And just wanted to express just real quick because I would
I this is a an event that I'm putting together that just is to help men
get together and to
form new relationships, form new new
bonds,
and to help us help each other to get around
the
the feeling of being stuck. They know that there's something bigger out there, but they can't go progress beyond it because
of x, y, and or z. And so I'd like for you to be able to join. If you'd like if you're interested,
I'll be talking about more of this more probably at the end of the show, but I wanted to just real quick at the beginning talk about real, the camp and coach because
you're going to find
that
a lot of the
lot of the excuses you tell yourself were actually
complete and total,
bunk. And you're and it helps you to be able to actually
to step beyond
that, that hang up that you have, help change the mindset that you're you're telling yourself and change the story in the path that you're on so that you're on one that where you're being fulfilled,
you're able to help your your family,
and you're able to to grow and be the best man that you possibly could be. So if you're interested, please go over to,
relax mail dot com forward slash
live event all one, and we will, see you on May 7th.
So anyhow,
what makes
you different? And why is it okay? Why do you want
to be a completely
different person as opposed to the rest of the crowd?
A good example of this is
today, you see
now I'm gonna kind of make myself sound like I'm an old
dude and
alright. Well, I'm not I'm not a spring chicken, but still at the same time, I'm not that old.
But
you see a lot of the people these days have got tattoos.
Now what was one of the main reasons you asked when you asked somebody, why did you get that or why they wanna get a tattoo?
The one of the
one of the reasons that you hear is that, well, I wanna be different from everybody else.
Yet if you look today,
your
originality
is very common place. It's kinda like star bellied sneetches.
I don't know if you remember that from doctor Seuss, but you had you had
those that had stars among ours and those who didn't, and it was kind of a racial. It was supposed to be talking about,
race and why,
worrying about,
what race you are
is is complete is is not needed and not don't make any sense. When in all reality,
it's it also fits in with
they see somebody who doesn't have
stars
upon ours.
And
all of a sudden, other people are there are people who are the
the
I'm gonna call them thought leaders. The the the people who's you know, they blaze the trail, the pioneers,
and they go forth, and they always seem to have the most success. They're the ones who venture out. So those first ones who go out and face the discomfort of standing out, okay. Yeah. They're kinda brave. They're kinda neat. I remember seeing tattoos when I was a kid, and I thought that was just weird and bizarre and and actually kinda interesting that this guy had gone through and had had a picture drawn on his, on his arm. A lot of times, it was like a Tapas hula girl or something like that.
Today,
people who have tattoos is very, very, very commonplace. I as a matter of fact, I'm starting to see more neck tattoos now than than anything because people are still wanting to be
questing to be to be
different,
yet they end up following the same everybody else. And instead of
being,
being unique, they end up being very commonplace.
I would never thought that I was the only one in my in my
on the step side of my family who,
are very immediate step side of the family who doesn't have a tattoo. I figured, you know,
one of my sisters,
wasn't gonna have one, but and
but both sisters now have one. I think they're,
my, oldest the older sister has a, husband has a tattoo, and I I know their kids who are over the age of 18 have tattoos. And so it was just kind of interesting to see that that whole see the whole thing of of a tattoo
tattoo is supposed to be a mark of individuality,
yet it's very, very commonplace.
So
to be different
is a lot tougher and a lot harder to actually do because you're
you're
having to actually be somewhere
where other people aren't.
But when you take that time and you step out of your comfort zone, you get out
where you're
in the lead or you're doing your own thing, that's where you actually learn to start and start learning how to shine.
A lot of people though don't want to
stick out like a sore thumb. They
don't
they wanna try to they try to their hardest to fit in. Look at kids in high school. One of the best times when you could actually stick out and those who,
who stand out and are brave enough to actually be different in in high school,
god bless them because they're usually the ones who are gonna become a lot more successful and a lot more
forward in their in their actions and a lot more intentional actions than the kids who are
in the special little click that they everybody has to be the same. They all in my day, they had the we'd actually,
would fold and roll up the the the legs of the our pant legs, but we'd fold them over so they were really just right up next to our
to our, to our legs and our next to our ankles as opposed to,
as opposed to, like, where you would see, like, high waters where people roll them up like they're fixing to walk into a river.
But we,
in high school, it the the
we work
so hard and we they the kids
actually actively ostracize someone who has the
is brave enough to actually be their own do their own thing. They want they don't wanna they most kids understand that, hey,
being your own is
is actually kind of an, inherently admirable thing to be your own person.
But because you're as if somebody steps out
of the of the mold and steps out of their norm,
in high school, they were often, you know, ridicule. They were they were tested. They were there was a kind of a baptism by fire, so to speak. Because
there would be a bit of teasing, a bit of,
of elbowing, and a bit of maybe even a good bit of bullying if depending on how far away from the herd you strayed.
If you pass that test and you're like, well,
who cares what you think? I'm my own person and you stay true to yourself,
you find that
a lot of those people start to admire you and even respect you a bit. While if they can get you to
inch forward
and inch closer to them, that's where you're, you know, where they're claiming that you're you're supposed to be.
That actually makes a makes the situation a bit worse. I don't know if you've ever noticed that or not. But
when you're following the crowd, you really don't know who the leader is. You're not leading for sure because you're too busy seeing doing the exact same thing that the person in front of you is doing. While if you actually take the if you're out leading, you may by yourself be by yourself for a while. You may be, you know,
trucking across the country
and like, like,
Forrest Gump, and
it may take a while, but eventually, you kinda start bringing people along with you. People start hearing about this weird guy who's just doing nothing but running back and forth across the country. He's he's he's alright, Ed, as you would say.
And people start to they don't even know what understand what your message is. They interpret what your message is, and they apply it to their life. And if it fits them, they follow.
But following a crowd
isn't being
true to yourself. Look at,
Howard Stern.
Look
at oh, he just died here recently.
Don Imus.
And even,
you whether love him or hate him, Rush Limbaugh. At first, their
careers were just
there. They would get up. They'd go do the radio show, and
nothing happened until they basically told they because they followed what the station manager said. It's like, hey. You need to do this and this and this and this and this and just be here and, you know, make a comment from time to time, but nothing drew. They the manager wants to play it safe because he's worried about the
about the the the advertisers while
all of a sudden, you know, Don Ima starts saying the first thing the things that come to his mind, and he's known as a shock jock. And then, you know, Howard Stern in the same way, all of a sudden, he just said, you know what? Screw it. And he hit the screw it wall, and there is this, you know, a wall that men come up against, and they're busy
doing their own thing or what they think that they're doing all thing until they hit that screw it wall. And once they break through that barrier,
that's when
so much of who they are starts to
starts to blossom and and bloom and come out and and be be seen. Rush Limbaugh was known for being fired several times,
from Jobs until he
started to go his own path, do his own thing. So everybody
everybody
has that same
moment when they cross that line and they say screw it, and they they go past it.
Triplineer
has a very similar word for that, but it's, I'm I'm try I wanna try to keep this family friendly. So instead of dropping the f bomb, but it's, the
f it
barrier.
And once you bust through that barrier, you're
it's it's very it's
very freeing. I mean, I'm I don't think I have made it across that barrier yet. I am bouncing off of it.
I do still
do stuff and then we'll go, oh, well, no. No. No. People are not gonna like how that was phrased. That's
and and and I worry, you know, I'll worry about that. You know, you've got this whole, you know, cancel culture, which is a very great example of, hey, you do as you follow us, though they want you to wanna have all these different colored,
heads of hair and and multiple piercings on their face. And they don't,
but yet if you step away from what they're doing
and you blaze your own way, they want to attack you. They want to say no. You're you're wrong on that, you know. And they they try to shut you down. They
the whole cancel culture
mindset has come from somebody who is doing something that goes against what they wanna do. Now a lot of people wanna take
going your own route, and they take it to a, incorrect,
extreme.
Because there's a difference between being yourself, being true to who you are, and rebelling against society.
Society has a lot of very good
rules set in place, and it's not to keep you down. You can be your own person within the within certain rules of society and
still be
still be, you know, okay with with how society goes. You can actually you can push a barrier
against society, but people who
want to, you know, completely rebel against society, they often run into several different problems of
their own ostrification
ostracization
ostracizing themselves.
My tongue doesn't wanna bounce that way.
And so you you have these,
you have the people who are out to try to please everybody. You're you've got these folks who
are not out for themselves, and it's not it's not a selfish matter, but it's a where they're wanting to please everybody. And the old saying, you can please some of the people some of the time, none of the people all of the time. They it they run into that, and
it's people pleasers are a lot like that. People pleasers are some of the whether you wanna agree with it or not is is doesn't matter. People pleasers are liars.
They will do what they can to make sure that the person is pleased with them.
It is a very it's actually a very selfish act where it is all about, I am going to please you.
And if you
they will if you ask them to mow the lawn, well, yeah, yeah, I can mow the lawn, and they may mow the lawn, but they may also overbook themselves and not be able to mow the lawn when they said they're gonna mow the lawn. So people pleasers,
though they
put on a very large, very solid face,
and very put on a, on a facade. That's the word I'm looking for.
Hey. I'm going to do what I can to please you. They're wanting to please you
so that they feel good about themselves.
It's not blazing a path, and it's not that you're to go off and say, well, screw the, screw the other people because that's not what that's about. That's
you
helping other people
is good as long as you're coming to it from a
from a, a a servant's mindset. And yeah. Yeah. You feel good, but it's not
your your joy that you receive from being able to help everybody
is secondary to the fact that you actually help them to the next level.
You
a lot of people who are blaze their own path also
say no a lot.
They hey. You wanna go to,
go to the, to the mountains today? No. I've got
my thing I have to do. I've gotta take care of my stuff. Now when I'm finished with my stuff, I can meet you out there, but at the moment, no. I can't leave. I've got my stuff I've gotta do. And some people take that as being, again, selfish, but at the same time,
it's not selfish when you're making sure that you take care of yourself first.
So when you're so why do you want to be
different? Well,
besides for what I've explained before, where you've got
you have a a barrier that once you get past it, you're
you become a lot more successful. It is
when you're you have to take care of yourself.
Take care in yourself. Taking care of
what other people think
is
a lot more
as or taking care of yourself as opposed to taking care of what other people think.
Let me get my words straight here.
You you're showing people that, hey. I have an inner strength. I really don't have to have
other people
to fluff up my my sense of ego. I don't have to be told you're you're a good guy. You can go out and you can,
and
it it the pressure then becomes upon it comes upon you so that you're having to, you know, constantly
air your own have someone air your ego up. If you are a confident man and if you are
a
are going,
going your own
I'm not gonna say
the go on my own man going their own way because that whole movement is actually a really chicken way of of looking at stuff. Well, I'm just society doesn't want me, so I'm just gonna go out my own way.
And
okay,
you're you're you're taking
you're that's a that's coming from a victim mindset.
A guy who is
his own person and is comfortable with himself
doesn't take
a victim's,
a victim mindset. They don't act like they're being attacked. You can attack them all they want, and they're gonna you know, okay. Whatever, dude. They're gonna they have
an extra
level of, I'm I'm gonna say, emotional armor. They have that that keeps the the personal attacks at bay.
While a person who is
busy trying to trying to please everybody, the moment they get criticized is when they shrink up and they feel that you're being a you're attacking them and and they they struggle with that. While people who are at the point of where they're angry and they're rebelling against society, oh, again, that is
a lot of of victim
victimhood
being being expressed that everybody, you know, is mean mean to me. They're they're
they're they're rude and all this other stuff. And so they take that
victim mindset and they try to apply going on their again, going on their own way.
And rebelling against society
just really
doesn't
do it. You're you're still holding yourself back even though you think you're
you're
a a trailblazer. You're you're
trail you're not able to do so. You to be able to go
and be able to
have
a have a confidence about
who you are and what you stand for
takes time. There's the the work of
of making sure that you you have your story. You you know what your beliefs are. You
and if somebody had,
approaches you with a different set of beliefs,
you're actually gonna be okay with that different set of beliefs. You can look at it and you can actually even
inspect
what they believe. And you can you can look at it and go, yeah. Okay. Well, I can see how you would think that.
And you have no problem
going off and examining
whether that particular belief,
that part of the, of the story actually is true or if it's not.
So
being different,
standing out from the crowd
is actually a very good thing. Standing out,
being your own man
allows for other people to admire you and be able to
see that you've got it. And now are you gonna be attacked? Well, yeah. Because all of a sudden, you're showing other people that they're being the sheep, that they're just
they're following a crowd
no matter
whether they know why they're following the crowd or not. You're showing them that it is possible
to be your own person. And that cognitive dissidents that is created from that really causes people a lot of internal strife and stress, and and it it disrupts the story that they tell themselves. And if you can disrupt the story, you can and you just even if you disrupt your own story, if you can actively
examine that story
and apply the mental processing power to actually
make any changes that need to be made, you're gonna be a lot better off. You can be a lot,
sturdier in whatever decision you end up making.
So
today, I'm it's gonna be kind of a little shorter episode. So
today, just
be okay with being different. You stick out like sore thumb, you do something goofy,
be okay with that. You are
a massive
star trek and star wars crossover nerd.
Congratulations,
dude. Let that freak flag fly. Be
be yourself.
As they're saying, as, Shakespeare said, to thine own self be true above all else, to thine own self be true.
You
you have to be
honest with yourself. You have to be true to who you are.
And a lot of people will try to take that mantra and turn it into well, this is why this is why I am being a I'm I'm doing
something that nobody else likes. It's not that you're doing it to rebel. You're doing it because this is what what you are, and you don't have to have a crowd follow you.
But invariably, what happens is a crowd ends up following you because you have
shown that you can be your individual self. You can
blaze your own trail. You can
be that one guy, that Marlboro man,
and
everybody is actually okay with it even if you do smoke or not. So
alright. But, guys, I'm
gonna go ahead and I'm gonna close it there. Again,
I had the live event come by. If you need help and you wanna try to process if you're having trouble processing stuff, you're feeling stuck,
you I've got
a lot of, I've got openings for some, for some coaching, and if you'd like to be able to have the be coached through the first couple
first hour, hour and a half that we talked is definitely gonna be free. We're gonna sit down. We're gonna have discuss,
what our objective what your objectives are, what you're trying to,
to to get done,
and just see if,
personality wise, if we're a fit. So just
there's no no pressure on that. Hey. I'm gonna I'm gonna get you. We're gonna set you up for a for a 6 month session. It's gonna cost you $30,000. Well, of course, it's not gonna cost you $30,000, but you know what I mean.
It's
if we aren't a fit, it will I I will always be able to get something out of that conversation. And even if we're like I said, if we're not even even if we're not a fit,
man, I've I've had a good time at least being able to talk to you. So
come by,
give me a ring, or sign up and,
schedule a time for me to talk with you, and we will, we'll talk to you then. So anyhow,
guys, go out there and embrace who you really are because
that's what you were made to be. You aren't meant to be anybody other than
you.
You can't be
Ron Howard because there's already a Ron Howard running around.
You can't be
anybody else but you. Alright? So y'all take care.
Lots of love. Talk to y'all the other night. Bye.