Alright. This week, we are continuing
our discussion about the different types of intimacy. We have gone through
the emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, spiritual, experiential,
social, creative, conflict, aesthetic. We are now down to what in the world is work intimacy, and we're gonna be talking about that this week on episode
250
of the relaxed male.
This is the relaxed male,
a show that comes to you each week, helping men to remove the nice guy from their life so they can actually live their life on their terms.
Join the host of certified coach, Brian Goodwin, as he helps
men step out of their heads and become free from the thoughts that bind them.
Amen. Hello, and welcome to the relax mail. I am so glad you're able to make it over here and, and to see us. We are live lit in in,
in person on couple different platforms today. We are actually over on not just,
YouTube, but we're over on TikTok. And then, also, if you have got a podcasting 2.0 app, you can listen to me live on a modern podcast app,
like
Podcast Guru,
Fountain,
or,
Podverse is another one. And so there's a couple different ways that you are able to pick this show up and and listen to it at,
at your convenience. And, also,
these types of podcasts
are like any other podcast. You'll just have a nice cleaned up version here later on. You won't hear the gaffes, the goops, and the and the oopsie doodles.
So as we as we go, sadly, if you're not, over on YouTube, you don't get to see my incredibly wonderful hair that's flying everywhere and, is just bugging the booger out of me. But anyhow,
so what is we're as I've was talking about
earlier, we are
down to work intimacy. We have got just
this, we've got this one and then one more intimacy
style of intimacy. And this one here is the easy one. The next one's gonna be the easy one. It is
physical intimacy. We're gonna be talking about that. So if you're wondering what I my my thoughts on physical intimacy and and
and that whole
line of thinking. You can come see me on episode
251. That'll be next week. So there you go. Preview for next week. This week, we're talking about work intimacy. And what in the heck is actually
work intimacy? Why what
is that even an actual intimacy?
And as I kinda mentioned before, this
anything
past
experiential, the
the last 5, 6,
types of intimacies I've done, it can actually
all be rolled up
into
a nice pretty little package
and placed right under experiential.
These are all different types of experiences. Your social experiences that you share with your spouse
is your social intimacy.
Your creative endeavors that you do with your spouse and you share with your spouse is your creative intimacy.
How you have arguments with your wife, again, is it is conflict intimacy. And and and though conflict intimacy is probably one of the most important
intimacies that we have, it is just a type of experiential intimacy. Because, yeah, we have to have the conflict
to have the respect
for and have the ability
to bond and and heal
over whatever disagreements we have. So conflict intimacy is very important. Aesthetic intimacy
is
what's around you. Are you able to share
in the and take in the beauty
with your spouse?
Believe it or not, there are some people who really struggle with that because one person will like one thing and the other person won't.
And so there's a lack of of sinking in that, and so we struggle on trying to
see
what it is they're actually looking at. Why is that thing they're looking at so
important to them? Why do they find beauty
in a rock that they picked up? It's almost like a child. The child finds something, look, and sees a a a rock. It's a really cool rock, and they wanna show you. Well, that's again, that is how
how people
interact with each other. They hate you know, the the one person finds that rock really cool and the other one's just going, yeah, dude. It's a it it's a it's a rock. Alright. Whoop dee doo.
But if you can become excited just as excited about that rock or, you know, about the sunset or about whatever it is that they're doing,
you will have a a better
form of intimacy.
Now so we're now all the way down to work intimacy.
And what is this? Now it's a bit different from other intimacies. This one can also fit very well. Well, all intimacies actually,
physical, emotional,
intellectual, all those all 10 of the different types of intimacies can fit into
the man's community pillar because, well, our spouse is
a
subset of
that community pillar. She is a part of our community. Our kids are a part of our community.
Our friends, that band of brothers that we have
are all part of that community. And so, yeah, we're gonna have experiences with our guys
who are completely different than what our experiences are with our wife,
and we're gonna have completely different experiences with our children. We're gonna have different levels of emotional intimacy
with our with our band of brothers
than we're gonna have with our wife.
We're gonna share our spiritual intimacy completely different.
We're gonna have different experiences.
We're gonna
socialize
in public
differently. And so all of these different,
types of intimacies
are important to
the, to your man the man's pillar
the man's, community pillar, but the
work
intimacy
really shines through. It's because
how well do you work
with other people.
Alright? This one's more for the
stranger, if you wanna call it.
If you're more able to
to to have a interaction, have a strong,
trusting
experience when working with other people, you're going your work intimacy is gonna be a lot stronger.
Now this also this doesn't exclude your wife either because, first off, there's a lot of people who work with their wives.
So you have the the
the the ups and the downs and the conflicts and the and the
the problem solvings that come about with
a
with work intimacy
as also with your wife. Now,
from for instance, like me, me and the wife,
we really need to work work intimacy a bit because when it comes to us working,
we are
we struggle with it. Getting better because I am figuring out how to stay
present in what we're doing and not let
my
thoughts run amok and and take over and, you know, all of a sudden, I've got hurt feelings or I get frustrated or I I, you know,
get upset for whatever reason. Maybe the wife is taking, you know, taking up the boards of a
of a project while I'm trying to get them all laid out and she's she's doing one thing, I'm doing the other thing, and there's no communication going on. That's where our communication really needs to get better. It needs to grow. And that's
one of the benefits of working
together. We figure out how to be
more intimate when it comes to work, work
instances.
So we have to work together. We have to be able to do
the the working time and time again, and we have to be able to
utilize the other intimacy, especially conflict intimacy
when with our wife because and but that's not just our wives. We you know, we're gonna have that asshole
in
in our, in our in our work environment too. We're gonna have the guy who is
willing to run over anybody and everybody
if they are in their
way and goal to become, you know, a a manager for
for the, for the mailer.
I don't know. Just it's
a as an example. And so you have you're gonna have to figure out how to
have those constructive
conflicts
with anybody around. And as you have those conflicts, you're going to have a better connection.
So when you're
so as you work
with your work intimacy, you're working on the emotional, intellectual, spiritual, experiential, and all the other types of intimacies out there. Those are all getting mixed and mashed and and jumbled and and put together. Now granted, yes, we're talking more mainly with our
with the intimacies that we have with our wife,
but at the same time,
our
social life, our work life
is also
part of our
marital life. We have to have those men in our lives. We have to have the people that we work with
for us to be able to be
a more well rounded person.
We just sit around and just become mister hermit,
then we're not it's not gonna work very well. We're going to start having very
restrictive thoughts. We're gonna start going and thinking very black and white. And I'm someone who likes
very black and white thinking. I think the gray is just a means for us to get things muddled up. So
when it comes to our
our work intimacy,
how well do we work with our wives? How well can we do a
a a home project and
come out on the other side with a finished product,
a finished room, or finished you know,
whether we've painted or done whatever,
can we get finished with that, come out of it, and still have
a good strong relationship, or do we come out of that with hurt feelings and we wanna blame each other for the fact that we are feeling miserable?
We often do. That's that's the the deal. We often will blame the other person for
feeling crappy at the end of the day. Well, you know, it's we it was more of a fight than, than anything. We will try to put blame. And, again, when it comes to the to the different types of intimacies,
when it comes to social intimacy, can you take
and own your dirt?
You know, if you're having conflict,
what part of that conflict is your responsibility?
Where were you
in relation to the whole
issue of the conflict?
You come up with that, and you're able to
to
take full on a full on responsibility for that action,
then you're going to have a better means of repairing.
You're going to have a stronger
work,
intimacy.
So this is
we we struggle with,
with having
the ability to work together because we we wanna have our own thoughts. We wanna do our own things. We wanna do it our way.
And
anytime, especially with your wife, you're gonna find out she's got a little different thought than what you do. She's got a little different means of
taking care of stuff
and getting
projects accomplished
than what you do, which
is, again, when you're able to work together,
boom, you've got a you've got a superpower. You've you 2 become an unstoppable force.
But to be able to do that, you have to be able to, 1st,
stay present.
Her actions, she's not out doing doing whatever it is she's doing to piss you off. That's not her objective.
And so we have to make sure we understand how to properly communicate
with her. And so we can see everything that we're doing
though it's, that it's uncomfortable, though it's kind of a pain in the butt at times.
It is a means if we are paying the
the fee to have the life that we want. We're paying the fee because, remember,
discomfort is the currency
for our life.
If we are willing to become uncomfortable with what's going on, we're going to have the ability
to have what we want.
When we can accept the fact that, yeah, we're gonna do stuff, it's gonna be it's gonna be ugly sometimes,
it's not gonna be pretty,
but all that all those emotions about being ugly and not being pretty are just our thoughts.
And as we continue to try
to correct the problem
and we work with our wives or we work with, you know, Kevin over in accounting,
we're going to have
a better
time
with the results. We when we hit those results, we're gonna enjoy
the success of that a lot more than we ever would before.
So
when it comes to this particular intimacy, it is like the others. It is a form of sharing. You're sharing your emotions with your wife. You're sharing your intellect with your wife or those people around you. You're sharing your spiritual beliefs
in your spiritual intimacy.
You're sharing your experience
your experiences
of
adventure
or even just the humdrum day to day life
in the experiential
intimacy. You're sharing your social
interactions, your social life with your wife during for social intimacy.
Y'all are you're taking her out and you're letting her be a part of your social life when you take her out on a date on a date.
Creatively,
how do y'all do creative stuff together? Or how do you how do you share your creative ideas
with your spouse?
How do you all fight together? How well do you all share each other's thoughts and emotions
when when the fit hits the sham, essentially?
Can you do that and come out on the other side stronger and better?
Aesthetically, can you see you're sharing your thoughts and views of what's beautiful, of what's not beautiful even. And so, also, can you share
your work life? Can you share how you work with other people? Can you share
how you interact with other people
at work? Can you share how your why with your wife, your day to day life? Can you share
your problem solving
steps
with your wife?
And can you express that in a means that allows for
understanding?
When you're able to do that, you get better and you get a stronger means of
of growth. So
you wanna be able to share your work. You wanna be able to share your space
and and your thought space and your interactions
with
your spouse if you wanna have a strong
intimacy
all general all around general intimacy with her. So you have to figure out how to work together. Because the more y'all work able to work together, the better and the more efficient that y'all do this, the the quicker you're able, a, get stuff done. You're because you're being more efficient,
but y'all also
have a larger sense of accomplishment, which is what you're actually wanting as a whole. Because when you're done, you, feel accomplished.
Y'all have that stronger
bond
and a better connection, which is what you're actually fully wanting.
So, guys, with that, I'm gonna go ahead and we're gonna make this one a fairly short episode because work intimacy is,
is one of those where I did I really have a lot of thought to it? Is this an actual intimacy? I don't think it is.
I think it is, again, a subset of experiential. It's an experience that you have at work or in the,
on the, at the at home project.
And so it is better if we're able to to have that. Yeah. We wanna employ the work,
the level of work intimacy, but that, again, we're in our social experiences, our our creative experiences,
that we have with our wife. That's when we wanna be able to share those. So, guys, with that, I wanna say thank you very much for listening. If you would like to I wanna go ahead and throw this little offer out. If you would like to see what it's like to be coached, maybe you're going, yeah, man. I I don't have the time. I don't have the desire.
Coaching is, I is a
a luxury item that I can't ever afford.
That might be true. I don't there's nothing wrong with with thinking that. If you don't want don't think it's a a good thing,
then you it will be a good thing. But if you are interested, you're kinda wondering, it's like, what is it like to be coached?
I'd like to offer you a the opportunity to be coached. You can, you can actually go over to relaxed mail,
and that's mail as in the dude, relaxed mail dot com forward slash
try coaching.
And just set up a time.
Take, Saturdays are becoming my my
mini session days. I'm just they're just having little coaching sessions for
for anybody that wants to, wants to have them. We've got and so if you would be interested in trying coaching, it's completely free. There's no nothing to it. It's just a little short, little 30 minutes. So the what's the, problem? How do why is this a problem? And we look at it and I help coach you through beyond whatever that problem actually is so that you can actually start seeing your thoughts change before you. And all of a sudden, watch those doors as they open up and and
allow for more opportunities to come in.
Also, if you are interested, we're still going doing master we're gonna be mastering the storm, which is gonna be a
a a challenge, a program that I'm gonna put together for for you men
come the beginning of the year so that we start the year off with knowing how to
master that storm that is within us. And you can do that over at relaxedmail.comforward/forward/stormmaster.
And so, also, if you are interested in trying out one of the new apps, you can go to relax mail.comforward/newapps,
all one word, and there, you can actually also get,
get a new app, podcasting app, and, and see what
podcasting 2.0,
provides.
Brain just wanted to look up on
me because, not only do you get to show see the show or listen to the show actually
live through the podcasting app, there's also the the pod roll, which is shows a, think I've got about 10 app, 10 different shows that I personally listen to that I think y'all would
benefit from.
But there's also
means of being able to do a
to contact and and contact me and be able to send messages over to me that way. So if you have any comments, questions, concerns, things along all those lines, you can feel free to shoot me an email of brian with a y at relaxedmail.com.
And with that, guys, I wanna say thank you very much for listening. Y'all take care. We will catch y'all next week. Till then.
Bye.