After the honeymoon period has come and gone, a lot of times we run into intimacy challenges.
We run into times where one or the other is not getting as much sex as they
believe they need to have.
There's distance between the relationship. Things start getting a little strained.
We're going to be talking about that this week on episode number 222 of The Relaxed Male.
This is The Relaxed Male, a show that comes to you each week,
helping men to remove the nice guy from their life so they can actually live
their life on their terms.
Music.
Join the host, certified coach, Brian Goodwin, as he helps men step out of their
heads and become free from the thoughts that bind them.
Hey, man, hello, and welcome to The Relaxed Male.
I'm your host, Brian, and I am a certified men's coach to assist men who are
just neck deep in the suffering of their life.
Men who are going through tough times like divorces or job changes, things like that.
To men who are just going through day-to-day struggles, struggling with relationships
and struggling with who they are as a man in today's society.
Life can come at us fast. Sometimes we just become so overwhelmed that we don't know what to do.
That's where I come in. I help men get to the root of their suffering,
help men step back, relax so that they can actually enjoy their life.
In each episode, we take a look at the different challenges that men face and
how you can actually look at your life in a different manner and change the
thoughts you have about that circumstance to be able to become stronger, more successful.
And on the other side, you can feel better about yourself without playing the victim.
So guys, welcome. Hello again to episode number 222 of the Relax Mail.
We're trucking right along.
And wanting to jump in this week as I'm kind of shifting.
I don't know if you've noticed the past couple, three episodes,
and it seems to happen about once a year.
The focus of what we're talking about kind of shifts.
And we get a little more detailed, and we're talking a lot about relationships
this year because that's where so many men often struggle is with the relationships.
How do I get a better relationship with my wife? How do I get a better relationship with my girlfriend?
Things along those lines. And so what happens is a lot of times we actually
go in and we start having things like roommate syndrome cropping up,
just lack of communication,
lack of connection, connection, lack of just the things that you used to do
when you were originally,
married, you know, when you first got married, you know, you had sex,
you know, you were a couple of bunny rabbits.
You may have gone at it, you know, once, twice a day.
Yet nowadays it's maybe a month and once a month, maybe, you know,
might even stretch out to where it's once every six months. month,
maybe you only get, uh, you get some, uh, get some action on your birthday.
You might, you're, you're, these are things that are sadly occur.
These are extreme examples, but they are, they're examples that do occur.
And we often have an assortment of different intimacy challenges that crop up.
And we wonder, we try to figure out, we, I mean, that's one of the reasons why
you have You go to any gas station, any convenience store, and they ride around
all the impulse buy areas.
They've got things from horny goat weed to extends to all these other quick
fixes that are supposed to help.
They've got things that are supposed to be aphrodisiacs for women,
and they're supposed to get women all riled up and ready to go.
There was Arouse, which is a gel that you're supposed to put on a woman and
it's supposed to really get her up and up and up and going real good.
There's there was all these different really quick fix pseudo pharmaceuticals
out there that are supposed to help people have sex better, have a better intimacy,
a better intimate encounter,
except they don't work.
Hence the reason why more and more of them come out every year.
We are always running into different intimacy challenges.
We come across problems time and time again.
And there's reasons why these intimacy challenges come up.
And the big one is just because we're human.
And because we're human, we can't do anything in our life without having some
type of emotional reaction to it. Now, a lot of times, it'll be good.
Actually, 50% of the time, it'll be a good reaction. The other 50% of the time,
it's not a good reaction.
It's not a good response. We have a bad thought. We have the pain.
We feel the pain of a 50-50 lifestyle.
And this is normal. This is 100% always going to happen because us humans,
we are emotional beings.
Things we are also creatures of habit so
we find a we find a routine that kind of works
worse and we want to stick to it we don't want to deviate we
get up in the morning we sit down we have a brew up our coffee while we go to
the bathroom we do our poop then we get up and we have a we drink drink a couple
cups of coffee and then we get all our stuff packed thrown into the vehicle
and away we go and we're gone for the day and then fight the boss and everything
else that we do there, talk to Steve over in accounting.
And then we come back and we sit down and we, you know, may have supper already
ready for us, or we get supper ready if the wife is also working.
And then we take care of the kids and all that.
And the wife comes in and we take care of the kids and we sit down and once
all the homework and everything else is done, we sit down and watch television
for a little while, and then it's about to.
Nine, 10, 11 o'clock at night. And it's like, all right, it's time to go to bed.
And you go to bed, say goodnight and turn off the lights and you go to sleep.
I only wake up and do the same thing again.
Or you may have it where one person goes and sits and watches their shows on
their television in one room.
And you go and watch your television shows in another room, or you play video
games in another room, or you do something away from the wife.
Y'all are both in the same house, but separated.
These all, these things happen. We fall into these routines and we have roommate
syndrome cropping up and roommate syndrome is just one of those big challenges.
It's not a bad thing. Roommate challenge can actually be viewed as a really good thing.
We'll dive into that here in a short bit. bit.
But the reason why we struggle and why we have the intimacy challenges that
come up is because, one, we have our thoughts and our thoughts about the circumstances.
And we think, well, it's the other person's problem.
They don't like sex, and so we don't even need to try.
And so we find ourselves into a routine. We start telling ourselves all these
stories and all these lies and all these these false dichotomies that keep us
buried in a hole with no satisfaction.
And we don't want to deviate from our routine because if we do,
then we're going to start stirring up emotions, and those emotions might not
be very good because, I mean, again, it's a 50-50 principle that we're going into effect here.
So there's half the time it's going to be a good response, and the other half
of the time it may not be a very good response. thoughts.
What you deem that response to be is all completely up to you, but.
We don't want to stir up the emotions. We don't want to irritate the wife and
cause her to get angry at us because then there's a good chance that she may
not, she may have been interested in having some sex and being intimate with us.
And now we've pissed her off. So now there's no hell, no hope there.
So we don't, we, we avoid being emotionally connected because we don't want
this. We don't want to piss the other one off.
And because again, like I said, if we pissed the other one off,
then we're not going to definitely not going to have any, any whoopie at that
night and we always want to
have whoopie especially if you're a guy and then you throw in
guys if you've got any touch of nice
guy syndrome in you in you you're going
to you're even caught shooting yourself in the foot even more
because you're doing stuff to try
to manipulate your wife into having sex and she
sees what you're doing she sees right through your your
your covert contract and
because you aren't man enough to actually walk up
to her before doing everything and going
hey you know if i what would take if
i if i get all these uh dishes washed and get
the kids put to bed early and how about you and me fool around
she possibly could say no but again
because you didn't even bother to ask her you just did stuff assuming that you
were going going to convince her that she was going to automatically want to
have sex with you she's going to say no so we instantly don't even try take
all these and more little instances uh together.
Wrap them up and we start getting the intimacy challenges that we face now a
lot of people i do want to kind of point out that a lot of people want to say
well relationship can't survive why without sex? I disagree.
And this is coming from a guy who loves to have sex. I'm a guy who,
who struggled deeply with the fact that my wife didn't like to have sex.
We've been married for 28 years and 15 of those years, if not more,
was me playing the victim, me not trying even. Did we go without sex?
There was times where we went six, seven months, eight months without sex.
There was times that it would surprise me and wonder what in the world got into
my wife because all of a sudden it'd be like a couple times a week.
And it would dry up again. It would be gone for, you know, two months.
Can you survive without sex? Yes, you can. Can a relationship survive without sex?
Yes, it can. but it all pivots around what you think is.
Sex means. For us guys, a lot of times that is how we are interpreting our wife's love.
Are we doing a good enough job for our wife? The answer is no.
And so we try a little harder and we still get a no. And then we try a little
harder and it's no. And then we finally go, well, screw it. it.
Who cares? My wife doesn't.
So why try?
And so we settle. We stop trying. We stop trying to build a relationship.
We start going down the victim road, start looking at porn, thinking,
yeah, well, at least I'm seeing somebody have sex because I know God knows I
don't know. I'm not having any.
And we start feeling sorry for ourselves.
Yeah. We're just packing on on the hurt, the frustration, the pain that we feel.
Because one, we're not allowing ourselves to actually process any of the emotions
that we have about whether or not our wife is actually wanting to have sex with us or not.
We're actually just holding on to baggage that doesn't serve us.
And yes, you can have sex. You can have a relationship. You can have a great relationship.
Without sex, there are couples who, for whatever reason, the guy actually has
real problems with his equipment.
His equipment just refuses to rise, whether it's psychological or what, or it just doesn't work.
Can you have a relationship there? Yeah. And there's people who do.
Do there's people who are married to the person
of the opposite sex who is in all
pretense and purposes asexual they do not find sex sexy they just see it as
just something people do from time to time they may see it as something that
is you know oh i don't know uh i just said you know and And I don't know,
I answered the question. It's funny.
I got to start working on that crutch word anyhow.
Sees it as just a way to keep a guy.
But the key to all of that is to roommate syndrome and whether or not your relationship,
even if your relationship can survive without sex or not, all these pivot around one major point.
And it's what you're telling yourself.
You have a choice. You can either accept your relationship as it is. You can say.
Accept your relationship is never going to have sex again, and you can just
act accordingly, whether that serves you or not is up for debate.
Or you could choose to find a way to get it to work.
You can find a way where you are lacking because you can't control your wife.
So there is is a circumstance of no, of no sex happening in life.
There's no intimacy or very little physical intimacy.
And there's five different types of intimacy. Just we'll, we'll jump into that
real quick because there's, I can't, as I was doing a little research for here,
I came across all points North.
Cause I was just kind of curious, you know, what are some of the,
what are the different types of intimacy?
I knew there's physical intimacy and emotional intimacy, but what else?
And they stated that All Points North website actually pointed out that there's five.
There's emotional, spiritual, intellectual, social, and physical.
And I found that really interesting because emotional intimacy, we all know.
That's what the women in society, the feminists in society are all stomping
around going, you need to give us more emotional intimacy, blah, blah, blah.
And yeah, there is a point. You don't want to just be emotionally cold to your wife.
I mean, that's a point. standpoint but at the
same time as men do not express our emotions
the same way women do when we start expressing
our emotions like women do that's where we
start losing our wife's respect because they really don't want to hear a man
talk about how horrible his day was and that you know he cried in the bathroom
for for 10 minutes because you know the boss said something horrible But they do,
I believe the emotional intimacy actually happens as you incur the intellectual
and the social and the spiritual intimacy.
When you get those three intimacies together and you start working on the spiritual
intimacy, which is a lot of people just say, oh, I'm just spiritual.
No, your religion, what you believe, is that compatible with your spouse?
It's not necessarily, I'm a church of Christ and she's a Baptist.
Can we get along? Yeah, because fundamentally, you do have the same beliefs.
Just one believes you can't dance while the other one believes you can't have
music. And so they're just, they have their own little tiny,
they're all, they're all Christianity. They all believe the same thing.
It's just the details that man has decided to interpret is, is what's wrong.
And now if you've got two Church of Christ followers, they may be just fine.
But then you may have a Baptist and Lutheran and the Lutherans like going,
hell yeah, man, it's time to drink up.
We just said amen for the last time of the day and we're going to go out to lunch.
Let's have a beer. And you break your neck open a beer and you go out and you go to town.
That's, you know, Baptist may not go, may be going, yeah, you don't drink quite that early.
At least wait until five o'clock, you know? So when you have the spiritual intimacy,
when you agree with your spouse and y'all both are on the same spiritual journey,
whether you want to call it a
religion or not, I think spirituality is a religion or is religion-based.
A lot of people want to have the comfort of religion without having religion
and try to say, oh, wow, I'm just being spiritual.
No, dude, you're trying to have your cake and eat it too. too.
All right. Be religious or not.
You find you have more comfort. You have more.
Happiness, you have more fulfillment when you have a religion in your life.
Hence the reason why so many people follow religions.
All right? Well, you can't be Catholic because of... No.
No, you're picking out what one to a very, very, very small amount of preachers, pastors, priests.
I knew there was a P word in there that Catholics don't use.
Used priests that did utilize their position incorrectly.
But that's, again, man is fallible.
Do you forgive them? Well, that's up to you if you want to forgive them or not.
You don't have to forgive them, but you can forgive them.
And I know I'm getting off track on this. But again, it's all spiritualized.
It's of the religion. So you have your spiritual intimacy.
Can y'all be spiritual together then
there's intellectual how curious are you
about your wife how curious is she about you
how curious can y'all actually have curiosity-based discussions about y'all's
different topics that y'all love without getting your nose out of joint without
getting irritated without getting upset because someone asked something that
was quote-unquote so offensive.
If you can do that, you are going to build intellectual intimacy.
You're curious about what they believe, what they have to say.
You are interested and you have intellectual discussions with your partner, with your spouse.
Then the social intimacy. How much do you share They're in each other's interest.
Do you have a hobby? Does she have a hobby?
Do you all share the instances about what the hobbies are about?
There's not much you may share at times, but then there's a lot that you may share at others.
But you get the spiritual, intellectual, and social together.
And the emotional intimacy will actually take care of itself.
Guys, when you start hanging around the men in your life, you start having a
band of brothers, the social intimacy for your wife will actually grow because
you're emotionally stable.
You're emotionally taken care of. She's not having to do the emotional intimacy work on you.
It just happens naturally. And so when you get the spiritual,
the intellectual, and the social intimacies taken care of, the emotional gets taken care of.
And when you have the emotional intimacy, then you start having the physical
intimacy coming into play.
Now, when I say physical intimacy, I'm talking sex, all right?
I'm talking about the boom, chicka, wow, wow stuff.
But at the same time, physical intimacy isn't just sex.
That is the connection the physical
connection you have with your wife how often do you
go by and just touch your arm do you
when y'all are going to walmart or going
to the store and y'all are walking to the mall or whatever do
you offer her her your arm does she
take your arm when y'all are walking do you hold
hands while y'all are walking that's physical intimacy
too so look at see where are y'all being actually physical as in touch not just
boom chicka wow wow brown chicken brown cow type of stuff but you allow the
you're also having just different types of pda not just.
Snogging not just laying a big old wet kiss on her but you know hugs arms around
the shoulders arms around the waist holding hands having her take your arm as
you walk her across the uh.
The parking lot, when you do all five, when you get all five of those taken care of,
the women actually will become more sexually attracted to you because women
want to feel emotionally safe and secure.
They're not going, they want to know that you're not going to bark them because
they did something because it takes so much for a woman to open up and accept a man.
Man all right they have to be able to feel trusted they have to know that they
can trust their partner women are mental beings and so this guys this is one reason why you struggle,
especially you guys out on the dating scene this is
why you struggle so much when you whoop your
your dingling out and show it
take a picture of it to show the women how proud you are of your penis all right
congratulations yes we are all we all are in love with our own our own dicks
all right we that's just only way to say it yes i definitely dig it all right
it brings me immense pleasure.
But if you're honest with yourself, it's just really a freaking ugly organ.
It's this tube of blood and tissue with a weird little helmet on top.
And then on the bottom, it's got this wrinkly up bit of skin that's got a couple
of organs that hang inside of there.
And it goes up and down and stuff.
And then whenever it gets really excited, it throws up on you and it makes a big old mess.
I mean it's really kind of if you
get honest with yourself sorry guys your your
package is a bit on the ugly side but
yet we want to throw throw it at the woman and
go hey look i've got i've got a weenie you want
it and 90 of the time
our spouses are just gonna look at it and laugh at
us she may find it funny if we sit there and we
helicopter a bit but if you
depending on how far along in the marriage you
are you know 20 years years you walk in
doing the helicopter she's going to roll her eyes
and say get some underwear on get dressed no one wants to see that and she may
even be able to do it with a smile on her face and with a with a giggle in her
voice but at the same time she's not fully interested in seeing all that you
have downstairs even when you are married you have to to activate her mentally.
You have to turn her on mentally. Yeah, guys, it's easy for us.
We here. Yeah, you want to get busy here in an hour? We're all ready.
We're ready to go. Our women are not.
And to get our wives to start being intimate again, there's several things we've got to do.
Because when it comes to roommate syndrome, that is the big thing we all have to really worry about.
Because roommate syndrome is we've hit a plateau.
We've hit an emotional plateau. We found our rut.
We found the groove that we run the smoothest at.
And that running smoothly, running that comfortably, it isn't always the best thing.
Our wives want us to have adventure.
They want to go along with us on an adventure.
And so when you are at a roommate syndrome, and I wrote a, I believe it was
a blog post about it, but it could have been a podcast episode,
about why roommate syndrome actually is a good thing to have.
Up because what roommate syndrome is, is just you, your life's coming to you
saying, congratulations, man, you've made it as far as you can at this level
to go further and to continue to have an amazing life.
You've got to grow. You've got to change.
Sitting, being comfortable causes you to be uncomfortable.
You have to get out of your comfort area. Your joy cup has filled up.
You cannot have any more joy until you
get uncomfortable to grow to become
better you have to pay the price in discomfort
so are you willing to grow are you willing to stay with a relationship and find
out how you grow there's a lot of different ways you can do this and there's
things from just the simple stuff go back to the basics start dating your girlfriend
girlfriend again. All right.
And when I say girlfriend, that's your wife before she was your wife.
Date her like she was your girlfriend.
Tell her, Hey, I'm going to pick you up at, uh, at six o'clock on Friday, Friday evening.
Uh, get yourself dressed up. We're going to go out and have a good time.
You could tell her what you're doing, or you can tell her, not tell her you
can take her out to a movie.
How was the last time y'all went out to go actually see a movie instead Instead
of sitting at home, there's something magical about that sticky theater floor.
But start dating her again. Start having that exploratory relationship once more.
Ignite that intellectual intimacy. You do that, you will find that y'all actually
have some great conversations going on.
All because you started dating your girl again.
Another thing you can actually do, and this is if she's up for it,
and you can find it, find ways to work this out. Schedule sex.
And I know I get it guys. It's like, yeah, but when I do, we,
we actually do stuff like that. Then it's just.
It really feels fake. She's just kind of laying there like a wet dishrag and
there's not really any fun in it. And I get it.
If her heart's not in it, she can really, she kills the mood really fast.
You thought sex could be unfulfilling?
Wait until you have sex with somebody who just really doesn't care to have sex with sex at the time.
But at the same time, you help her to start going back into the sensuality of
her body. It can actually help.
There's people who have gone off and done the exercise of 365 days of sex.
And the women often find, holy smokes, I'm a beautiful woman.
Because women also, not just that they have to find us attractive mentally and all that.
Women have to find themselves attractive too.
So they've got the, and that's one reason why they fall into the trap of comparison
so much. bitch, because they don't believe they're beautiful.
Somehow they shagged, snagged, shagged. Well, he'd been shagging each other,
but snagged this pretty all right dude.
And that's the same thing us guys think. I mean, hell, there's a lot of times
I sit around and go, how the hell did my wife snag?
Why did she want to go off and snag an ugly ass troll like me?
And there's people, there's times I want to think that, but at the same time,
because I found I was doing stuff that excited her and turned her on.
And with those 365 days of sex, you get to do that again. And if you're...
Entering around 45, 50 years old, like I am, you're thinking, holy crap, is, is, is Mr.
Mr. Happy actually going to seek?
Are we going to wear them out? He started thinking that.
Cause I mean, at 20, 25, 20 to 25, you want to do 365 days a year by gosh, I would be up for it.
I'd be, I'd be Mr. Boner just the whole dang time. But the women,
when they go through this, they find they come through with a stronger connection
with their significant other.
The men start realizing, holy smokes, you don't have to be a porn star.
All the lies that we've told ourselves that limit us in our sex,
and we do. We tell ourselves a lot of crap about our sex that go away and we
become better because of it.
Now, if your wife isn't up for that, that's fine.
There's other things. Maybe she's more okay with blowjobs.
You do that. If not, maybe just a hand job is all she's actually willing to
give once a week. Are you okay with that?
Maybe you do like what me and my wife do.
It's we, we do it's serious trade. I give her a good back rub and depending
on how long the back rub goes, depends on how, you know, what we get a lot of times.
30 minutes is what is what, how long the back road blasts. So that, that week get the handy.
If I stretch it out to, to an hour, we get a blowy if I, if I can take it out
to two hours, all right, well then we got a little whoopee, which only lasts
10 minutes, but it's a good thing.
So so you but you can
schedule sex it's not a horrific thing
with our brain the very fact that you think oh my gosh i
won't you were losing the spontaneity that is
your brain going wait wait wait wait wait i don't know if i like that idea what
if i do get to have all the sex that i want because there's a lot of times men
the reason that we do the stupid stuff that we do that causes our our wife to
get mad at us so we don't have sex is because we don't want to actually have the sex.
Nice guys, famous for not wanting to complaining that they don't get enough sex.
But then when the opportunity arises, they find ways to sabotage that sex.
Another way that you can increase your intimacy with your wife is to have a
strong man's community pillar.
That pillar alone is one of the the great ones, because you are showing up with
a lot more masculine energy.
You're showing up with a more well-balanced, emotionally balanced approach to
life, all because you have a group of men who you talk to on a regular basis.
You share your thoughts and your experiences with the men around you,
and they share their thoughts and their experiences with you,
which increases your masculinity levels and allows you to go out and give your
wife that sexual masculine energy,
not even just sexual energy, just the masculine energy.
Kira Brady Counseling actually even recommends that you go outside of your marriage,
have a life outside your marriage, to go out and live life.
You don't have to have your wife in tow Oh, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
You're taking cleave to your wife way too literally.
Are you supposed to leave your mother and cleave to your wife? Yes.
But that doesn't mean you stay by your wife's side all the time.
You don't use your wife as emotional crutches.
You use your wife as a woman who you get to talk to and you get to know and
you have deep discussions with.
Something else you want to do is go back and start doing the cheesy romantic stuff. All right?
Buying her flowers, you know, leaving love notes, sending love texts,
buying little gifts, being silly.
Have fun in your relationship again. These are all important things that you
need to do to keep your relationship fresh, to keep the intimacy going.
Date your girl.
Do the cheesy romantic stuff.
Take her on surprise little concerts and things like that.
Now, something else a lot of us guys do, and if you're not paying attention,
you don't realize exactly what it is you're really doing, but drop the mental fights.
We've had those things where our wife did something. Maybe she rebuffed us in
advance that we were wanting to have some nookie.
And our wife said no. No. And so later on in the following day,
we have a discussion. We have a fight.
We relive that whole scenario, except then we start adding our own little two cents in there.
And we really give it to her. We tell her what for we'd said,
leave her in a blob of tears. And now emotions.
We just let her have it all just in one for everything.
We've been wanting to say, we say to her and we don't hold back both barrels in the mush. Bam.
You know, we do though.
The only problem is, is that when you do things like that.
You start to show up to your wife in a very disrespectful manner.
If you don't show up to her with respect, you're going to show up as being disrespectful.
She's going to pick up on those clues.
And then you're not going to be emotionally safe, emotionally trustworthy.
So be, when you catch yourself having those mental arguments,
stop and actually well
don't stop cold turkey or all the way
stop just beating it beating
her down let enter in your mind and that mental thought this sounds weird but
try it man it's you you'll see a change around maybe two three four weeks down
the road but stop winning and let just let Let her win in your thoughts.
Just let her have that discussion, that winning.
So she's, you're, you're blah, blah, blah.
You come up with her own, the own story as to why she can't and you accept it.
All right. And just let it go.
Because one, it's not a fight. It's just a mental fight.
It has no bearing other than on you. you. So if you're letting her have it and
you're just telling her what for, then she has, you know, you're going to show up as not caring.
Yet, if you stop having the mental fights with her and you just go ahead and
just let her win every time she, every time you want to have a mental fight
with her. Okay. It's better.
It becomes better. You start showing up better. You start showing up caring.
You start respecting her more.
Another way that you can actually increase the intimacy And this happens more
with when you are actually dating your girl again,
is you're being curious.
You actually start becoming curious about her. You start asking her about her day.
And when she says something, why that?
And you start asking the questions and letting her talk.
You can just ask questions. She'll love to tell you all about her day.
Hey, she'll love to share it.
All you have to do is keep asking the questions and she'll talk all night long
and think you're the greatest man in the world because you let her talk.
Don't try to fix nothing.
Just ask questions. Let her decide where she wants to go.
And the last thing about how to get her to get the emotional challenges to fade away,
way and this goes with the texts and the and the love notes but actually show gratitude.
Be grateful for what she does.
Get rid of the scarcity mindset of no sex.
And just be grateful for the fact that you have a spouse.
Someone who is willing to at least give you a handjob.
Someone who's at least willing to look at you in the eyes. Someone who's at
least willing to hug you.
Someone who is at least willing to say, I love you.
Someone who's at least willing to cook
you supper from time to time are you
willing to be grateful for all the things she does for you are you willing to
be grateful for all the things she has done for you if so awesome keep telling
yourself what those are but then also tell her why you are grateful for what she's doing.
Tell her how much that, you know, that tater tot casserole.
How grateful are you that she made that tater tot casserole? Tell her, let her know.
Why is she, why are you grateful that she put away your socks?
Why are you grateful that she swept the living room? Why are you grateful for whatever?
Why are you grateful that she's still sleeping in the bed beside you?
Start telling her you don't have to
bombard her with all of them but you know once a day go by
say hey sweetheart sugar buns
sugar booger you know i'm grateful
for the fact that you give me a kiss good morning every morning and just give
her a kiss go show gratitude let her know how much you appreciate her whether
it's small insignificant things doesn't matter whether whether she's doing it back to you or not.
That's not the important part. The important part is that you're showing her gratitude.
The 100, give 100, expect zero principle.
What if you gave, I'll share a link with it in the show notes,
but it is, what if you gave 100% and expected zero in return?
This is a crucial part of having an intimate marriage.
Give 100%. Don't expect anything in return. return.
It's because if she does give you something in return, she does return the favor.
That's added bonus, man.
You weren't even expecting that. It's added bonus. That's icing on top of the cake.
Well, if you sit around being the nice guy expecting something in return,
guess what's going to happen?
You're going to get resentful. You're going to get mad because she's not completing
her half of the covert contract that you never even told her that you had. Just do it.
Don't expect expect her to return the favor that's a five-year-old well i'm
not gonna do it until she does it back well no dude this is a marriage this
isn't sibling rivalry this is you and your wife,
going back to back against y'all in the world and if you're sitting there too
busy well she just doesn't have anything to do with me sexually isn't that's
not going to do anything to better the situation at all you want to better the
situation so that she might accidentally be.
Curious in playing with your
ding ling all right she may actually
want to touch your peepee but you've got to give her a reason as to why can
you do that you can't you can do all that because what's the alternative if
you let the roommate syndrome come over you let the lack of intimacy come along,
the lack of intimacy all up and down the board, all five of those fall apart.
The marriage is going to fall apart.
And then you're going to be one of those divorced men.
Guys, yeah, we may not be making the big money that we used to,
but we still have the ability to hold on to a good relationship.
The wife can show up and we can show, we can provide what she needs to provide.
But if we don't, the marriage will fall apart.
If we don't grow, the worst, the best that will happen out of a roommate syndrome
sets in and we do not grow, we have a very unsatisfactory marriage.
But what typically happens is one person or both people have affairs.
They go off on their own adventures.
And is that the solution you really want to have? Well, at least I'm happy for
a little bit. Are you really though?
Because now you have to deal with a divorce and you have to deal with your kids
not being with you at all the time. You don't have any of that.
Sounds like it would be better to go ahead and put a little bit of work into
your marriage. Run it a little bit. Get out there. Get uncomfortable.
Because what's going to happen if it falls apart?
Well, you've now got better skills for dating the next woman.
So, guys, with that, I want to say thank you all very much for listening.
If you heard anything that spoke to you, share it out. If you know a fellow
man who is having problems, who's struggling, share this out to him.
If you think that it would serve your community, share it out on Facebook and
Twitter and all the other places. Take a screenshot, share it on Instagram.
Let the guys out there know. Let these other men know that there is a side out
there that is out to make sure that men have better lives.
And we can have better lives when we actually have good relationships.
Our relationships become stronger and better as we grow.
Do the work as we, we do these, the struggle of having a better relationship
with our spouse, having a better relationship with our kids and our boss.
We can do that. And all you have to do is you have to hit share.
If this is the first time listening, you liked what you heard, man. Thank you.
I would recommend you on your, on your, uh, podcast app of choice,
hit that follow, hit Hit that subscribe,
hit that like button, whatever it is they have for you so that you can get this
podcast every Thursday.
So guys, with that, if you are interested in, maybe you're struggling with a
relationship and you're trying to get everything back together and you're not
sure where you're stuck at.
You just feel like everything you're doing is just spinning out of control and
you're losing ground fast. What do you do?
Well, I would recommend you go to relaxmail.com forward slash coaching offer.
Right now, I still have openings for coaching clients for $300.
This is a $6,000 package.
I'm giving it to you 95% off.
Why am I doing that? Because I just want to be able to coach and I want to give
guys as much value as I can.
But I'm realizing that it helps to have some skin in the game.
You have a little skin in the game. You're willing to try just that little bit harder.
So, man, if you're willing, wanting, and you think your marriage is worth it,
$300 investment might save you a couple thousand in divorce costs.
I think it might actually be worth it. I don't know.
I could be wrong. You may think that the divorce isn't going to be that much.
It ain't going to cost that much. It ain't going to be that bad. and
it may not i don't know but if you would
like to try to keep your wife like to try to keep your your family together
and you want to see if you can get the best relationship known to man going
then reach out relaxedmail.com forward slash coaching offer all one word no spaces whatsoever.
Fill out the form i'll give you a link and we will get it all taken care of
so guys with that I want to say thank you very much for listening.
Take care and we will see you next week.
Music.