Bryan Goodwin: Alright, guys. So today,
doing things a little different again. We're back in the truck once more, but we're gonna we're talking about
when
life doesn't go right.
Sort of like when you make it,
expectations
and those expectations just don't carry through.
What do you do? How do you, how do we you
handle how do you cope when
the proverbial fit hits the shin? You know? So we're gonna be covering that,
this week on episode two sixty seven of the relaxed male.
This is the relaxed male,
a show that comes to you each week helping men to remove the nice guy from their life so they can actually live their life on their terms.
Join the host certified coach, Brian Goodwin, as he helps men step out of their heads and become free from the thoughts that bind them.
Hey, man. Hello, and welcome to
the Relaxed Mill. I'm your host, Brian.
And,
things sound a little bit different, and that's because I'm in the truck once more.
Have been,
having to do some, some changes and some different, things
on the weekends. And
so we've been a little bit,
little bit
scrambled
on plans and intentions and everything else.
So
it kinda brought about the whole idea of what the show is
this episode
in particular is about, and that is when life
just doesn't go according to plan because
it'd be nice if life went according to plan because, you know, if,
if it did, then
my,
my business would be a
wild raving success. Is this a success? Well,
it depends on what you're defining success as.
Have I been able to meet new people? Have I had some clients? Yes.
On both of those. So in that case, yeah, it's a it's a success.
Am I able to get out of the truck? In that case, no. It I haven't. And so that's
if I measure for that, then, no,
it's not been a success. And that's kind
of where I'm at right now is
this is I guess this episode, if I if you really wanna call it a,
a kind of a complain fest or a a a bitch fest or something like that. It's not I wanted this one here, I kinda wanna just use
my experience in the past,
say, two thousand two,
three, three years,
is
what that has actually
shown
and how that how I've taken
the past three years. What do I make in these mean? Why?
How can you use
my experiences
in with your life?
Because
so far, relax mail
is
still a
a powerful
premise that I am going to push through. I have got several ideas, several plans, several
goals that I'm going to
accomplish
this year.
Now one of them being that I make,
money
at, in relax mail. I'm actually going to table that goal because it's not gonna happen. There's some changes that are fixing to happen,
professional wise,
income wise, revenue generation wise, if you if you want,
that's going to be
a bit of a hindrance for relaxed mail.
Is
this meaning that relaxed mail is going away? Not by any stretch of the imagination. The the podcast this podcast
and the blog
are still gonna be going out. I'm still working on a social media
calendar, so I know what I'm gonna be posting up because I'm going to increase my
social media,
game.
And
I wanna get I want this
business to succeed, something fierce. I
I have a I have a a a point
of
of struggle, a bit of contention because
I have realized
where I struggle at.
And that is because
what I've heard when it comes to
to selling and coaching
is
meet people,
tell them you're a coach,
and
let them know you can help them.
Sounds easy enough until it's applied because
I don't always find I've it almost seems like I rarely find
people who want
to improve their relationship. Well, at first, it was just helping men become better men is what this the
the
the coaching business was gonna be about. Help well, it started out being helping men
have better relationships with their son
and quickly found out that men are not willing to say they have a bad relationship with their son or have an okay relationship with their son or they are okay
with having an okay relationship with their son. And it there was several
blocks
and and and obstacles with that particular,
I guess, you call niche. And so it was alright. Let's
morph this into just helping men have better relationships
in general,
which,
I knew going into there, it was going to be a very
broad
niche. And, yeah, it's a
a lot of people would agree that,
okay. Yeah. We wanna have better relationships.
Everybody wants to have better better relationships. But the issue that you're gonna run into
is
when it comes to
us guys,
we do struggle
with seeing
what the actual problem is. Is the relationship
problems that we're having because of
us, or is it because of our wife? And often, we wanna point at the other person.
So it's is it a is it a problem? Are we running into a problem of our relationships
not being right
because we don't know what the actual problem is about?
Or is it that we know what the problem is about
or we believe what the problem is about,
and we would rather
look
at that angle than actually
what the actual
fixable problem is.
And so a lot of these, I've the the business has morphed and is to the point where I I help men
have
better relationships
with their wives.
So I'm because
as
one coach that I talked to
several years back
pointed out, I was like, dude, you've been married for
twenty five years,
twenty five, twenty six years. So
why don't you coach on that success? And at that time
and still there's a I think that might be why I hold back on
on
how I
market myself
in in that
because, yeah, we've been married for a while, but it's not a marriage I
come out saying, oh, this is one of the best marriages ever known known to man. I don't have the
stand up star spangled banner. All is wonderful
feeling about my relationship.
And
for a long while, that was kind of what was I think that was actually what was holding me back.
And that is
what
I have slowly come to realize
as to what I need to actually be
be focusing in on. Not so much that
I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to my
to coaching because that I am confident. Anything I put out, I put out with
the confidence that I stated what I believe.
So
when it comes to what,
you know,
setting the expectations
or facing expectations or the 100
principle or the fifty fifty,
lifestyle,
all these different
thoughts that I have laid out in podcast form or in in blog form
are all parts of the building blocks
that are needed
to have a better relationship with your wife. But
how do I how do we
go from place a to place b, go from an okay relationship or a relationship that is just
mired
neck deep in
in roommate syndrome. How do we get up to
having a relationship
that
your friends and family
would be
envious of.
And that is
that's the
point where I think
I have a bit of imposter syndrome
creeping up because it's like, well, dude, how are you supposed to know? You don't even have
a relationship that would be
envious by by others.
And so there's a a bit of thinking that I
need to clean up. But this is where things have really started to
kinda show up in in my life
so that I'm thinking,
oh, nothing's going right.
Things have been piling upon, piling upon, piling upon. And life wise, where there's almost points of where I just want to just
throw my hands up and just
just,
you know, check out of the,
of this business.
It's like, no. It's nothing's working. Nothing's
doing anything
in any form of
a benefit
to what my dream is. Because my dream is that I wanna have a bit of land
down in in Hill Country, Texas, which I know is
asinine stupid expensive. Would I be able to do that right now? No. Because I I'm struggling
just
to make, you know, make payments on the house and to get
or not even just the house, but make bill payments
with, with trucking job. And so there's so much
that
is not happening. I've got a car that's dying.
And so, again, here here we go. We're piling off the boohoos, the poor mes. I need to be the victim. I and it's not that I need rescuing.
And that's the that's the point that I, that I'm really kind of struggling with is that, no. I I know I don't need need rescuing.
But
what is it
that I was expecting to get out of life? Well, I was expecting that
with that I was gonna have to learn
how to run a business. To be able to get
the coaching business to go, I had to learn I'm I know I have to learn
how to
run a coaching business.
And the key point about the coaching business that I'm running into is I'm not getting
enough inquiries.
What is not
working
with the home page,
with the sales page?
What's not working with any of the places? What's not working with my sales pitch?
Because I don't even get people I get people from time to time clicking on the links to go to, like, trycoaching, which you can go to relaxmail.com/trycoaching,
and you get a free
month of coaching.
That almost sounds like a lot of of commitment,
but it really isn't
because it's an hour that you get to choose, and I'm even doing it for the weekend. So if you wanna have some do weekend coaching, say,
08:00 in the morning on Saturdays,
guess what? I can be there where you can be do a Zoom call 08:00 in the morning on Saturdays central time.
Boom. We can we can do a, we can have some, some coaching calls.
We can find out what it is you're wanting to do and
talk through it and have a have a
discussion as to what would
a good relationship in your mind be
and help make plans on how to
start making steps. Would you be able to have the perfect marriage by the by the end of the month? No. No.
But
you would start understanding
how you could change your thoughts because that's honestly the secret to the sauce, I'll let you in on it, is
you can't change your wife. You can only you only have the ability
to influence two things in this world, your thoughts, your actions.
To be able to change your actions, you have to change your thoughts.
So if you wanna have a better relationship,
you have to change your thoughts about that relationship,
about whatever part whatever the circumstances
about that relationship,
whether your wife's not have giving you enough sex
or what. You have to change how you will show up.
Now that is not just a change in thoughts, but it's also a change in how you show up.
So we incorporate
the four pillars of relaxed metal, the man's body, mind, soul, and community.
You have to start working on yourself. You have to improve yourself before you can actually even improve your
your the life that you wanna have with your wife. So with all that
with all that said, that's something we can start to work on
for a
for the first for that one month. And from there, you can choose to go forward or
or, you know, try something different. It's all completely up to you.
So what is going wrong with
my plans? Well, if I look at it and I pay attention to the thoughts, I think my well, a lot of it is my thoughts
for until about a week ago, two weeks ago, I had stopped
doing thought downloads. I had I had stopped
doing models,
and I think that's where I really need to start doing some more work. And that's one thing I'm gonna be doing more often is working on my thought downloads, working on the models,
coming to understand
where I am
drawing myself short.
Because that that's where
where I'm I'm failing is
my my results are I'm not getting clients.
So the thought that I'm having
is based upon that. Now if I do a do a a a model,
you know, the result is no clients.
What actions have I taken?
Well, if we really look at that that or what actions am I taking that's leading to no clients?
Well, more likely, that action is that I'm not taking action.
I'm doing
blogs and podcasts
and a little bit of social media thinking that that's gonna be enough to be able to attract people. And
if I'm being truly brutally honest,
I'm not sharing myself enough.
Because do you really trust who this Brian Goodwin dude is?
Yeah. I've been talking to people
for
four years now. Almost going almost five
since '29 at the beginning of twenty nineteen.
So, actually, yeah. Yeah. Five years now.
And do, do I really put
myself out there? No. And why do I not put myself out there? Well, that's because I don't find myself to be all that important
in the grand scheme of things. Do I find myself important enough that I need
to need to, you know, necessarily brag about it? No. No. And it's not that I'm bragging or not bragging. It's
lacking that human element. It's all theory
and practical,
but there's no I don't believe I'm really putting enough
y
into the end of the,
into the episodes.
And
some of that is probably because of the other thoughts that I have. I mean, there's a couple of coaches that I listen to and one
that I listen to because when I do listen to him, he has some great advice.
The problem is is that when I see his stuff come on, I roll my eyes and go, god, I can't listen to him again. Because it seems like
when he talks, it's all about him.
Well, I did this, and I did this, and I struggle with this, and I do this, and I this, and I've gotta do this, and it's all about me, me, me, me, me, or at least that's what I hear.
And so I immediately
get turned off every time I hear them. But, again, like I said, when I do listen,
I often glean
a piece of information. And he's about my age.
Actually, he is my age.
Him and his wife got married about the same time me and my wife got married.
They have three kids
and an older daughter,
a medium
son, and a younger daughter.
Now his are just a little bit younger
than mine,
but at the same time and he's been doing his stuff
for,
well, I think, a little over I mean, doing actual coaching for a little over ten years now,
and he had a different
business beforehand.
And
I think a lot of that problem I have there is just comparison.
And I think a lot of the resentment that I I think a lot of it that I have and the reason that I find his
means of talking about himself so much,
so resentful
is because,
well, he's
more successful than I am.
He
he has a
has more of the stuff that he actually wants, and I'm sitting here spinning my wheels.
Now do I
need to
stop
trying so damn hard and just let life happen? I don't know. But that's
like I said, when life doesn't go right,
we
we often find ourselves spinning
in this type of direction. We find ourselves
with different types of
emotional
indulgences. So I find myself being confused,
irritated even. I find irritation
or even worry to be
kinda useful, and I come up with excuses as to why I wanna do wanna be,
you know, jealous of him.
And that's the basis of what it is. I'm so damn jealous of him. I want
not his life, but I want to be able to have my life
like he's able to have his.
And so I know it's possible. I know I can have it. I know I can get there.
And I have to go through something that uncomfortable, and I do not this this is where I'm
I'm struggling because I don't know where I'm missing the turn.
I'm just kinda sitting in here in limbo going, well, you know, I know what I need to do. I need to be talking to people. Well, how do I
sounds weird, but how do I talk to people?
You know? It's like, what do I do? What how do I, you know, how do I let people know? And I'm trying all sorts of things to,
to let people know that there's this new way to relate.
There's if you're in Amarillo or
or East Texas, I'm sure you've seen
well, I'm not sure, but there's a good chance or a possibility that you have seen
a little orange square sticker on a gas pump
or on a cut front of a couple stores because I've stuck them on this in front of the stores
as I've gone in.
And, they're
funny enough, they're still there.
And I don't I don't think it's because,
the the
employees there, I don't think they've noticed that there's a a a rogue sticker
set in amongst their
their other stickers that sit on on the front door. But I do know that people have seen it
because if when I look in in
my Google Analytics,
there's a UTM parameter that's attached to it. And so I see QR code,
sticker
show up on the on there. And so people are seeing the stickers.
They're scanning it with their phone, and they're going to the
links page and seeing all the different options that
are available
in for,
for relaxed mail. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I've got too many options.
But at the same time, I also know that my
work on the blog
is improving.
The work on the podcast is improving. I just had somebody
this is, we're on today is the nineteenth that I'm recording it, which tomorrow on the twentieth,
the this episode comes out. But I saw on the, I believe, the sixteenth, somebody went through and download my whole back catalog.
God bless you, man. I'm, thank you. I'm I'm grateful for the fact that you went through
and downloaded all 266
episodes.
But at the same time, I'm going, wow. That is a whole lot of Brian.
And
I wonder what it is that he heard
that
caused him to go, I need more of this in my life.
I would love to hear from you. If you're the one that just on the sixteenth
went through and downloaded all 266
episodes
of the relaxed mail, shoot me an email, brianwithay@relaxedmail.com.
Let me know what it is. I would love to hear and understand
what it is about that. What episode did you hear that went, oh, dude. Yes. I need more of this.
Let's consume all the rest.
Good chance there's probably a a a another trucker,
but it could be somebody who drives a lot or just somebody who
wants to
truly improve their relationship with their wife.
What is it? How do so with life coming at us the way we do, there are a few things that I have understood
with
the,
with this relaxed male experiment that I'm I'm doing.
And this is where I would like to go ahead and try to at least throw a little
help your way, a little bit of advice, a little bit of insight
about what
you can do when life doesn't go right. And that is,
first off,
understand that
expectations
are not
set in stone.
I can expect that I
start up a coaching business, and within three years, I am making
a million dollars a year.
That's not gonna happen. One, because
to be able to make that type of money, you have to have the mindset of a millionaire. I know I do not have a mindset of a millionaire because I do not make a million dollars.
Right now, I don't even have the mindset of a business
of a of a life coach
that
is able to make money. I don't even have really have the mindset of a of a coach
who can do coaching for free because I've offered free coaching. I'm offering
free coaching, and I still can't get people to buy. And that's what really just kinda
befuddles me. It's like, well, if he doesn't cherish or or respect his work that much, you know,
is he really that good?
I don't know. I think
trying to turn around and sell it for
sell it for, you know, $6,000,
which is what I'd really like to have the package sell for
for a year's worth of coaching,
is plausible
because I know many people who sell their coaching packages for even more. But I've tried that too, and I still don't get any bites. I don't get any bites from zero. I don't get any bites from 100. So,
you know, where else in the middle do I need to go? And so
we have these expectations.
And when those expectations don't get met, this is where we often
find ourselves in a land of suffering.
Why is it that it's not working? And so we have to
continue to struggle.
It's not that the struggling that I'm doing is bad. I've just come to
realize that something's not working,
and I may I need to step back and do basically a five by five.
So if your expectations are not being met, you've tried some stuff and that that isn't being met, you've tried some other stuff and it's still not being met,
And you've tried even more stuff and you're still not finding
a means of grabbing a hold of whatever your goal is, then maybe we you need to do
a a step back and take five minutes,
five feet away
and see if you can see another solution. And that's kinda what I'm going to be doing here in the near future. This is one reason why I'm going to
be
stopping the
coaching offer
and just provide the information for free because maybe it is that I've
out of the 800,
blog posts that I've put up,
I still haven't provided enough value,
or maybe I'm just not providing any value. I don't know. I I'm,
again, all this stuff, I'm still kinda just pissing in the wind, really. But one of the things that you wanna know is when you're faced with the
the circumstance of life not going the way you expected,
you have a choice. You could either accept the events
as they are,
and I could say,
for me, I could accept the the likes mail is not making any money,
and I could just say, well, it just doesn't work for me. I give up. Just shut the door, shutter everything,
walk away.
And would I be happier?
No. I wouldn't.
Now would I be a lot more stress free? Yeah. Yeah. I'd be a lot more stress free,
but I wouldn't be
happier.
What I'm missing
again, I don't know what it is,
but I'm going to have to find a way to make
some extra money
and have enough of runway that I can actually
just put all my focus, all my energy, all my
passion
into getting the business started. So, basically, what I'm actually gonna be doing is
closing
or turning off the the
the sales pages,
and it's going to just be
a blog and podcast.
And I'm going to blog, and I'm gonna podcast for the love of the blog and the podcast.
And
approach this again
down the road when somebody decides, hey. I would like to be coached.
If I can get three people to sign up and go, hey. I wanna be coached.
Then I might may decide to go ahead and go back. But if I get enough
runway built up
to where I can run for two years just
nose to the grindstone,
not giving a not
coming up for breath
for two years straight
and see if I can get these plates burnt spinning far hard enough,
then
I would return
and do that. I would also be getting some extra coaching from a from a person who knows how to sell
coaching,
see how it is that they do it so that I can start, you know, bringing some cash in.
Because right now, I haven't even been able to show myself
much in the means of, hey. This is how you bring money in.
I've had a few clients. Yes.
But there have been so very
spaced out
that it's a that gets kinda rough.
And, I mean, I can't rely on
to pay the house bill
on on my on my
incredible clients that I do have.
And so, yeah, I mean, I know that it's gonna be kind
of kind of a,
of a rough deal anyhow when when I do shut all that down because, it's one thing that I'll have to do is I'll have to
stop meeting with my clients on a as regular basis.
But you can either accept the consequences or you can accept the events as what they are,
or you continue to keep pushing. And that's kinda that's what I'm doing. I'm I'm still
even if I do shut down the sales pages, I am still
pushing. I still have the goal in mind.
And in that time,
you know, I've got a I've got a book idea
that I'm,
that's brewing. I'm fixing to be
actually starting to lined out. I'm well, I'm already lining out
chapters
and what those chapters are gonna entail
and
and work work that stuff down to a point where
I can get it written.
And I've got a friend who I think would be able to do the editing because she that's what she likes to do is she's an editor.
So
I'm
maybe here within a couple years,
there'll be a book that comes out.
I still am going to work on some,
some some courses
so that there are some easy things for you men to work on,
but you have these choices. You have a choice when you do
when something doesn't go according to plan. When life doesn't go right,
you have the choice to continue pressing on if that's what you wanna do.
And my and then my personal belief,
that
choice
of to stop is where you actually
do a true fail. Now
is it still considered a true fail?
To you, it may not be. To you, it may go, yeah. Well, you know, I've been doing this for a good long while. I also haven't made any money.
But I have found that if I tweak it this direction,
I
start making more money, and that may be what it has to be. Maybe I'm not making the right tweaking
to the idea.
And so, yeah, life hasn't gone right. Like, this business
that I want
is not going, and I've seen so many of my other
fellow coaches that I went to
did,
coaching certification with
also struggle.
And so I know I'm not alone,
and I know that this isn't easy because, I mean, it's like with any business.
80% of the people who try to run a business, they're going to fail.
But I learned you learn something from those attempts.
So am I gonna learn something from here? I hope so.
I want
to see men
have
incredible relationships with their wives,
to see them
be able to flourish
and have
a purpose
so their wives
can look at them
and catch the light that comes off those men.
Because when you have a purpose,
when you have
that drive,
you shine from within, and you shine in a way that attracts other people to you.
And that might be the case. I don't know. That might be
something else that I'm struggling with. Maybe I'm not fully in
line with what my purpose is,
and maybe that's why I'm not attracted to contention. There's so many I don't knows that,
again, this this is I'm trying to avoid indulgent
confusion,
but at the same time, I find myself in indulgent confusion because
it feels
productive.
So when life doesn't go right
as a whole,
that means
don't give up.
Keep pushing because you're going to get where you need to be.
It may not be where you thought you were supposed to be, but you're gonna get to where you need to be.
And there's gonna be
only
through tears,
frustration,
late nights of aggravation,
uncertainty,
feeling lost, feeling
hurt, feeling
like you just
give up and just
never mind.
And if you're willing to continue pushing through this, eventually, I believe it within the
depths of my soul
that
the solution will present itself, and things will all of a sudden kick off.
And goddamn it. I've been there. I have been there for the past
year and a half, actually,
of just
why is this not working?
Why is that not working?
Let's try this. This isn't working.
Let's try doing it this way. No one freaking shows up, so let's try it this way. No one still freaking shows up. And when I say no one, I'm not being facetious in saying, oh, only 10 people show up. I mean, there's a big fat goose egg,
which okay.
That means that my sales
isn't right.
So I need to tweak my sales.
And maybe that's what the problem is. Again, these are all thoughts that I keep having.
And what the solution is is going to be
a
oh my, v eight, smack the forehead moment
when it finally becomes evident, but I'm not gonna give up. I'm not giving up on you guys.
And if you have any questions, do you have any comments or anything like that, please reach out, Brianwithay@relaxedmailasinadude,.com.
And I haven't closed the try coaching part yet. If you still wanna try coaching, let me know. We'll do some coaching. I would love to talk to you about it.
I'd love to see
the the light
come on in your eyes when you see the possibility
of, oh,
all the power that I need to have the relationship that I want
is
in my hand the whole time.
I have to work on myself
first before I can ever work on the relationship. And when I work on the relationship
and I
have
the model in mind and I'm applying the the thought creates the emotion that creates the action that creates the result,
plus having
a group of men that are helping you have
a more masculine
noble masculine
relationship
with them,
and that fills your masculinity
tank,
you become
a better
husband for your wife.
When you become a better,
more protective,
more productive
husband for your wife, you're going to she's going to be opened up to more forms of intimacy with you. And those more forms of intimacy as they get
fulfilled,
the meter fills up enough to where she finally decides, you know what? I'd like to have sex with you again
instead of just because it's your birthday.
So if you would like
to see
what coaching is like,
I do recommend go to relaxmail.com/trycoaching.
See what it's about. Try it out. It's a week. It's it's a month. Once a week, we sit down. We have a discussion.
I don't take up too much time. I don't
I don't bitch moan and groan at you.
I don't make you feel dumb, stupid, or anything like that.
As a matter
of fact, you have all the answers. I just help needle those answers out of you.
So, man, with that, I wanna say thanks so much for listening to my little
cry session here.
And
if you found anything in this,
this episode
worthy of of
value,
best thing you could do for me right now is just share this out. Share it out on the Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Mastodon,
all the different places that you go to on social media land,
and
share it with the with the men there. If there's somebody in particular you could think of, share it as a text message, and let them know, hey, man. This had me thinking of you. I hope you get, I hope you get what you want,
and and share it with them.
And let the guys in your in your community know that there's a show called the Relaxed Mel that wants men to be better men for their families
because that's all I really want.
If I don't make a don't make a buck from, Relax Mail, but I help somebody,
okay. I would like to make money. I mean, I'm I'm I'm a capitalist through and through. I'd love to be able to make money. But if I don't,
the
the fact that I am able to help somebody
is just
at least at least I've got that. You know?
So, guys, thanks again for listening. Y'all take care. We will see y'all next week. Until then,
bye.